He is in the habit of violating me

With Agatha Edo, Email: womaneditor@independentngonline.com, gataedo@yahoo.com or agatha.edo@gmail.com, 08054500626 Dear Agatha, I have known this guy for six months and have fallen in love with him. Before I agreed to his proposal, I really played hard to get even though I am not a virgin. But I kept myself after my last relationship until I met him. Please tell me what to do because he is really frustrating me. Whenever I am with him, he demands for sex and when I refuse, he forces himself on me and leaves me immediately. He has affected my life. He says I am his only love and that he will forever love and marry me as long as I don’t disappoint him. Since meeting him, he hasn’t given me a dime but he keeps collecting money from me. He only visits at night when he wants to have sex. Does he love me at all? Worried Girl. Dear Worried Girl, You don’t need anyone to spell the answer out to you; this man is only interested in your body and money. Unfortunately, you are helping him to destroy you. Being in love doesn’t make one stupid and vulnerable. And any relationship that makes a person any of these or both isn’t worth it. He comes only when he wants sex, forces you into having sex with him when you don’t want to; comes in the night when he knows you wouldn’t want the neighbours to know what is happening in your home. This isn’t love at all. He is milking you of your self respect as well as your self worth. Gradually, he will turn you into a psychological case because when a woman is constantly forced against her will to have sex, something inside of her dies; love soon turns into hatred not just for the man, but for every other man as well as yourself for being so cowardly. If you don’t stop it now, you will end up hating everything that gives other people happiness. A man who wants to marry a woman doesn’t behave towards her the way this man is treating you. A man serious about the woman in his life treats her with respect and takes every possible step to honour her in all ways. He understands when his woman isn’t in the mood and takes every step to ensure she is in the right frame of mind if he must have sex with her. Forcing himself on you whenever you are not in the mood means, he isn’t bothered about your happiness or frame of mind. From the examples he has given you of himself, it should by now be obvious to you that your body and not your mind is what he is after in addition to the money he is getting from you. He has stayed this long because he has continued to get tacit support from you. The moment he senses you are withdrawing or finds another woman with larger pocket than you, he will abandon you. He told you about love and marriage because he guessed that is what you want to hear. One thing you must first understand about a man like this, is that he is selfish; always on the look out for his own happiness and satisfaction. The moment he sucks you dry, like a sucked orange, he will throw you away and move on to another unsuspecting woman. Resist being tired down by a promise that will never come true. Besides, what do you want a man who has shown he is a serial rapist for? A man that uses force to sleep with a man will definitely apply the same amount of pressure on her outside the bedroom if she isn’t yielding what he wants to him. The day you begin to deny him money, is the day he will take his aggression out of the bedroom to the open. By then it might be too late for you to end it. Now that you haven’t gotten pregnant from his violent and unplanned sex, show him the way out of your life irrespective of how much it would hurt you emotionally. This isn’t the kind of man you need in your life. You need a man to help you come to your purpose in life not one who is out to derail and destroy you. To continue in this kind of relationship is to enslave yourself to a situation that will only end up hurting you the more so learn to deal with it now. Refuse to allow him into your house at nights. Insist he comes during the daytime and resist seeing him inside your apartment. Entertain him outside your apartment. If he demands to go in, tell him you are not in the mood and until you deal with some personal issues you are debating within yourself, you want things to remain the way they are. Outside your apartment, he wouldn’t dare touch you or force you into doing anything you don’t want to do. And when he demands for money; tell him you don’t have any to give him. Chances are he may not come back after two or three visits. Also, if you have been in the habit of visiting him; stop it. This may hurt but only for a while. By the time a responsible man comes along, you will be glad you were able to break free of him. Keeping him in your life will block the chances of a responsible man from coming into your life. So be fast about your decision. Good luck.