When he wooed me, I snubbed him, now I want him badly

Agatha,gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626 Dear Agatha, Four years ago, this man in my office asked me out, declared his intentions to marry me. Because he wasn’t as good looking as I dreamt my man should be, I declined his offer. But that didn’t stop him from asking me to marry him. Until two years ago, he was still asking me to marry him. The guy I was dating then, after three weeks of leaving me got married to another woman. It was so painful an experience but I kept trusting God that someone else will come into my life. Since then, it has been very difficult attracting a man let alone finding one who is interested enough to make a marriage proposal to me. I am fed up. All my friends are married and have started making babies. At the point I was thinking of making overtures to the guy in the office, I discovered he would be getting married in a month’s time. I have suddenly realised he is a very good man and responsible too. He has the best set of lips and dentition I have ever seen. What more he isn’t really bad just that at the time he first came, I wasn’t interested. Now I am very interested but there is another woman in his life. I want him desperately. Some of my close friends I shared the story with think there is still something I can do about it. One of them said I should go and declare my love for him, while two others said I should seek spiritual help in getting his interest back in me. They argued, a position I shared too, that since I have always been the one he truly loves, he went for her because I turned him down. And that once he finds out that I love him, he will call off his wedding plans to the other woman. Agatha, I need your help. How do I convince this man of my true love for him? Do you know of any good spiritualist I can approach for help? Is there anything you can do for me to get him back? I was 35 in June. Ewa. Dear Ewa, Pride goes before a terrible fall. Your case is the proverbial rejected cornerstone becoming the most sought after. Had your boyfriend not disappointed you, would you have made this kind of dramatic U-turn in your long held opinion of this man? Why do you suddenly want a man you persistently turned down, said he wasn’t good enough for your dreams. Didn’t measure up to the kind of man you admired for a husband? Would you have even considered him if your former boyfriend had remained in your life, or one of the ideal men by your standards, had come to you for your hand in marriage? It is too late for you to want this man. He is getting married to another woman who saw beyond what you failed to recognise in him when he offered to share his life with you. You had your chance to be his wife but you threw it away for flimsy excuses. What has good looks got to do with marriage? Do you marry a man on account of how he looks or because he is responsible and understanding? Why has it suddenly occurred to you that he has the best set of teeth and smile? These qualities have always been there. He didn’t develop that kind of teeth yesterday or the smile for that matter. The notice you have of them now calls to question the sincerity of your interest in him as well as the worth of your feelings for him. This man doesn’t need you in his life because your feelings for him aren’t skin deep. They are superficial and won’t last the bumpy marital road. It takes a special kind of love, devotion, determination and understanding of all the kinds of sacrifices embedded in the precept of marriage to overcome all the natural and man-made challenges that come with being married to a person. If from the first time he came to you, all you saw in him are imperfection, nothing he does will ever be good enough for you. This is why after a while he stopped asking you because he found another woman blessed with the abilities to help him overcome his disabilities and was willing to overshadow him with the best of her qualities. She gave him his unconditional trust to get him to want to keep her for life. To go to him is to expose your deceit and confusion. Nobody can help you because you are yet to come to terms with reality. From your e-mail, you don’t even know who you are or what you want. To identify the right man for you, you must first recognise whom you are. At 35, you are no longer a young lady and romantic teenager or young adult. You are a mature woman who by right should know that life doesn’t always go or give what we want. And that life itself is a process of compromises. If you are unwilling to give up something to get that thing you require for life to move smoothly, disappointment is often the end result. At the time he wanted you, you were too blinded by your self-importance to recognise his inherent qualities. He was and will never be yours. The fact that he made attempts to date you doesn’t make him yours. He is just like every other man that has come to ask you for a date. Why aren’t you talking about the man who got married three weeks after you both broke-up? Surely, that should bother you more than this man you never gave a chance to get close to you. The bottom line is – you are desperate. What your friends are asking you to do is what frantic women do. Are your friends not married? Are they not women? How would they feel if another woman goes to a spiritualist to get their men to like her? How would you feel for that matter if another woman wants to snatch your man? How did you feel when you heard your ex was getting married after only three weeks of you leaving each other? This man and woman didn’t offend you in any way. The man’s only crime was declaring his interest in you, which you rejected. So how is it the fault of that man or the woman he is going to marry some few weeks away? Why do you want to go to a spiritualist to destroy this couple when you should be seeking help for your inability to attract the attention of another man? Or is it the fault of this man or the woman he is about to marry that no man is interested in you again? Don’t do something you will end up regretting for the rest of your life because even if you succeed in stopping their marriage, nothing says he will come to you. Besides, nobody can upturn what God has ordained. If this couple has the blessing of heaven, you will be fighting a lost battle. If care isn’t taken, you will end up adding to your problems. Therefore don’t listen to your friends or capitulate to that destructive voice in you. Rather go on your knees to ask God for mercy and forgiveness. Chances are that God is punishing you for your arrogant disposition to this man when he came to ask for your hand in marriage. These friends should have told you to pray and even offer to pray along with you to ask for mercy. If they had asked you to seek a spiritualist to know why you are no longer attractive to men, it would have been understandable. Their offer and manner of assistance to you clearly spells out the kinds of friends you all are to yourselves because I am sure as your friends, you must have told them about this man’s interest in you and persistence then. Why didn’t they try to match-make you with the single men around, friends or relatives of their husbands who are single? The fact that none of them could talk sense into you, encouraged you not to throw away perhaps the only man heavens ordained for you as a husband, should tell you, if you are wise, to run away from them. Forget about this man. He isn’t yours. The best you can do is to wish him and his wife the very best in life and marriage. Free yourself from any form of needless bitterness. Help comes from only God. If you are in right standing with Him, there is nothing impossible in His dictionary. You will discover 35 would be like 16 when He is set to do something great in your life. Make peace with Him and forget whatever solutions your friends have suggested. Good luck.