I’m desperate to marry my handsome pastor…

Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626 Dear Agatha, I need your help desperately. There is this new pastor, recently posted to our branch. He is one of the most handsome men I have ever come across. Since he has resumed work, I have done everything to make him acknowledge my presence, which he has informed my given heavy financial contributions to church programmes. The issue now is, I am not the only one gunning for his attention. So many single girls in the church too have similar ideas. As a matter of fact, one of the biggest girls in the church recently bought him a new KIA Sports Utility Vehicle (SUV), making it impossible for me to think of what to get him to equal this exotic gift. From my investigations, she is already visiting him at home, under the pretense of wanting to help him cook and clean the house. I have waited for the opportunity to marry the man of my dreams. I will be 40 in August. He happens to be the one I want the most. I am ready to do anything to beat my main competitor for his heart. Please tell me how to go about it in terms of behaviour, dressing or the kinds of gifts I should buy him. God has even showed me through dreams that I got married to him. The dream has kept coming back almost in the same way. The frequency of the dreams is all the proof I need that God has indeed answered my prayers this time around. My dreams always come true. I have fasted for too long for this special moment in my life. I have been to many churches in my quest to marry. I just know my time is right with the posting of this pastor to our branch. But you know heavens help those who help themselves. I have even offered to join the ushers to enable him observe me better. I am very desperate and would forever remain indebted to you if you can use your gift to get this man to marry me. Maureen. Dear Maureen, First, if it is the will of God that you and this man end up as an item, your worries are then baseless just as the other lady’s efforts at attracting him to her side will end up a failure. This is because there is nothing none of you can do on your own without the express permission of God who sees the end from the beginning. And since you are so sure that God reveals things to you, those dreams of yours should act as double assurances that He has heard your prayers concerning your desires to marry. One thing you should know about God is His ability to accomplish what He says He would do. But many a time, we ignore Him and His ways to source for our own happiness. At 40, what kinds of mistakes have you been making since you came of age? What kinds of opportunities did you throw away that are unwittingly making you to start all over again? Faith and desperation do not go together; neither can good wisdom abide with someone who is crafty and calculative. You cannot claim to be God’s own without having implicit confidence in His ways and decisions. One of the ways to become totally dependent on God is to serving with a motive. You don’t go to church, contribute to the growth of a church or the pastor’s life because of what you hope to get. You do these things to honour God in your life, nothing more, nothing less. You have become blinded by your desperate desires to marry and also deaf to His words. Sincerely you are getting everything wrong in your relationship with God. This is no way to serve God or be a worker in His vineyard. If the motive of going to church is to get a husband at all cost, what time do you have to listen to His words or presence of mind to hear from Him? He may have given you your answers long ago but distraction is causing you to turn blind eyes and ears to His will. If God doesn’t place your favour in his eyes and heart, you can be the only usher in the church and he still won’t notice you if God doesn’t want him to. You could even be the most gorgeous and successful woman in the church and he still wouldn’t think of you along the line you want him to if both of you are not meant to be. So it isn’t how you are dressed, how respectful you are or the kinds of gifts you buy for him that would count at the end of the day. Rather, it is what God wants for both of you. Having been to so many churches should have told you that it isn’t the efforts we put into playing god in our lives that give us solutions to our problems but being right with God. Besides, what makes you think he is the right one for you? Is it on account of his looks or what? Beyond being your pastor, what do you know about him, his character and person? Do you know if he is married or has a woman he is intended to in his life? Given the fact that you are about 40, he must be somewhere in that region. Do you think at his age and with his good looks, he would still be single and available for grabs? There is more to being married than wearing the wedding gown and posing happily in front of the camera and well wishers. Marriage peels us bare of everything that is attractive; it reveals our true nature for our partner to see. It takes a lot of dosages of patience, tolerance, selflessness, understanding, wisdom, loyalty, prayers, faith, as well as blinded determination for it to work. What kind of preparations do you have beyond buying him gifts? Would you even consider him, if he were ugly? Would you be dreaming of getting married to him? This is the point in your life that you must get real so you don’t waste more of your time on dreams that are not attainable. We get to a stage in life we simply have to face the truth about our lives and situations. Whether other women are buying cars or expensive gifts should be your concern at all. What should be is your relationship with God. Work on it to give you grace in the eyes and heart of the man he wants you to marry. Ask him for grace to discern who the man is. If your focus at your age is still on how handsome a man is, then you still have far to go. The best qualities and testimonies of our beauty are those we store right inside our hearts. That is where the treasure of our happiness is. Granted, it is pleasing to look good to the eyes but what keeps the heart very warm is the beauty of the mind. This is why you need the priceless gift of wisdom to lean more on God. That he is a pastor doesn’t mean he would be the perfect husband for any woman to marry. Being a pastor is a spiritual gift but it takes the grace of God to bring out the best in our human nature. Only real friendship keeps a marriage going not infatuation. This is the missing link in all of these. Your dreams may have been right on the bull’s eyes in the past but this one may have been instigated by your blinded desires to marry this man at all cost. Dreams come in different forms. There are dreams we through our thoughts originate. If these dreams came long before you met him, yes, they are answers to your prayers. But coming after you have set out to make him your husband at all cost, they can only come from your mind. So to attach too much importance to them could result in your being hurt and disappointed than you already are in your life. My gift to you is to submit your will and life completely to God. Stop struggling with God or attributing things deep inside you, you know are lies to Him. Besides, you have to be careful you don’t provoke God’s anger in the process of wanting to marry this man at all cost. He is a servant of God; if you unwittingly derail his mission by the desires of your heart or cause a scandal in the church, you could incur the anger of God. This is why you must be careful of what you do or how far you go in your bid to marry this man at all cost. Instead of wasting all your time on pursuing this man, why not pray to God to help point you at your destiny? Good luck.