Why is my love madly hostile and secretives?

With Agatha Edo ,Email: womaneditor@independentngonline.com, gataedo@yahoo.com or agatha.edo@gmail.com Dear Agatha, Why is my love madly hostile and secretive now I am 18 years of age and in love with a man who is 33. I love him to the extent I can kill myself for him. But after a while, he became harsh towards me; he stopped answering my calls. Even though we were sexually active, he never shared any of his problems with me. I met another man, who promised me marriage during this process of my challenge with my former man. I don’t know whether to accept this man’s offer or continue with the first man. I need your help. Worried Girl. Dear Worried Girl, Life is in stages and seasons. At 18, shouldn’t you be in school worrying more about your education, your empowerment than men? If at your age, you have started to busy yourself with the issue of men, what will you do when you are older and less attractive? Beg friends who were wise to properly situate their lives for money? What by then will you fall back on as a woman when you no longer have the looks and body to sustain the interest of men in you? What by then will be your source of income? There is no time as now for you to get serious with your studies with the aim of procuring for yourself an enviable future. Men and sex never go out of season but your chance to give your life a solid foundation to stand does. Once this stage passes you by, you may never be able to get it back. And even if you can, it takes more efforts to do that. The man of 33 years, sleeping with you and who is now refusing to take your calls, has got what he wants from you. He has registered his presence in your life. He is set to move on because marriage to you will be a liability to him which is what the majority men are running away from these days. What would he be discussing with you when it is obvious to him that you don’t think alike; lack the depth of knowledge and understanding needed to match his’? Men only share their problems, discuss with women they know can contribute positively to the issues worrying them. Beyond your body, he doesn’t think you have any other thing to offer him. His attitude mirrors the thoughts of every other man that would come your way if you don’t quickly sit down now to remodel your life positively. He is aware that you will later become a huge liability to his limited income. Given the kind of attention and placement you are giving to the improvement of your life educationally, what kind of help will you be able to offer him when he needs it? The burden of caring for his home will definitely be too much for him to bear alone. And he isn’t alone in this school of thoughts. The majority of men out there are life students of this school. That he slept with you is in itself clear evidence that he doesn’t have any plans for your future, is lacking in respect for you and doesn’t care what becomes of you. What if you get pregnant? Is he ready to marry you or is he going to tell you to abort the pregnancy, thereby putting your life in jeopardy and future at risk? If he really cares about you, he will not attempt to have sex with you; rather he would be the one urging you to sustain yourself until you are through with your education. A man who has plans for a woman would not mind the sacrifices he makes for her comfort and welfare. From this point, things will only degenerate between the two of you as he is set to move on with his life. You were a fine distraction for him. Even if he had plans for you in the beginning, your lack of focus; coupled with the absence of moral values are enough to make any man think twice about you. As for the other man, if he is interested in marrying you, let him wait for you while you pursue the issue of enhancing the quality of your life educationally. Non- availability of finance is no longer an excuse for those determined to improve on their educational qualification; a lot of children from poor homes with big dreams of a very bright future are these days doing odd jobs to sponsor themselves through school. Your ambition should be your first love: no one man will be able to take away from you. The power of education is such that you are almost certain of success; the kind that attracts quality men to a woman. Men like women who can step in effortlessly for them when things aren’t going to well with them. If this other man is ready to wait for you to finish your education, consider him but if not, let him go. By the time you finish, there will be a man ready to marry you. Always bear this in mind; time and season wait for no one at all. So make hay while the sun is still shinning. Good luck.