Re: I’m ashamed of my husband’s age

With Agatha Edo Email: womaneditor@independentngonline.comgataedo@yahoo.com or agatha.edo@gmail.com 08054500626


Dear Agatha, I want to thank you for this beautiful write up. It actually has similarity to my situation.
I met my present girl after my former wife left. We had no children between us. The current lady is 27 years, while I am 49.
My problem with her is that she is most concerned about what she can get from me, while she is searching for a better offer.
We rarely make love, and when we do, she insists I use a condom, whereas from the beginning she knows my desire to have a child. My request to meet with her family members next month hasn’t been granted. As a matter of fact, she refused to make a commitment to my request.
I’m a Federal Civil Servant and live in my own house, though moderate. My problem now is that I need a serious minded woman I can conveniently live and raise a family with.
Depressed Man.


Dear Depressed Man,
Getting another woman isn’t the most important issue for now. There is the need for you to first determine what the challenges are with you, have a focus of the kind of woman you now need in your life as well as the peg of the marriage you want, to avoid you making anohter mistake. You have gone beyond meeting and proposing to a woman; you need to present the woman with much more to make her yield to your proposal.
I concur that at 49, age isn’t something that you have too much on your side, but it also doesn’t mean you should throw caution into the winds by becoming so desperate for any kind of woman.
Doubtless, you have lost considerable time, but there is no way you can move forward if you don’t first accept the reality of your situation.
If at 49 you are still without a child after years of marriage the natural salient question and fear on the mind of any woman you approach for a relationship would be: why you are still childless at your age? Any girl that agrees to date you without asking this question and having a satisfactory answer will end up disappointing you. Just like in the case of your current girlfriend, her decision to date you would premise on how much you are willing to part with.
Uncomfortable as this may sound to you, the truth is that your age and condition has made you a high risk to any young lady desirous of having children. Except you are extremely lucky, no young lady would ideally want to begin her life with you. A young lady that decides to take the risk with you would need more than the assurances of love and more of security considerations to stay with you.
She would need proof that she won’t be sacrificing her womanhood if she marries you. Therefore, to protect you from yourself, you must be very honest with the choices you have.
Without you debasing, your ex-wife and former marriage, honestly tell the new woman you want in your life every necessary detail she ought to know about your former marriage.
Your willingness to talk freely about issues she may be afraid to ask in order not to hurt you will encourage a woman to stay.
It is also important you factor into your plans the age of the lady. It would have been a bit easier if you already have children. But with your situation, you need a woman who is matured and has the right shocks and frame of mind to confront whatever she will meet in her marriage to you. You need a woman who is deep enough to appreciate you for who you are first and not the challenge of marrying a childless middle-aged divorcee immediately you contact her for a relationship.
The lady in your life is treating you the way she is doing because she doesn’t have what it takes to make this kind of sacrifice for you. By staying with her more than necessary, you risk damaging whatever confidence you have left in yourself as a man. And to date her kind would further demoralise you as a man.
Therefore, end this relationship because it is leading to nowhere. Stop exposing yourself to avoidable pains from women who are obviously out to take advantage of your situation.
Accept those things in life you cannot change again. As one gets older, illusions give way to reality. You are at that age when you take sole responsibility for your action. There is no more future anywhere. This is that all-important future you have talked about from your childhood. Count your loses and move on. At this age, you don’t have to please anybody. A desperate and inexperienced woman would only make your life more complex. Look for a woman who has seen all there is to see about life, the kind that has the understanding that life isn’t a straight line, that each of the curve is an incident designed to help others grow in knowledge and wisdom.
You need a woman who would first of all see you as her friend, son, brother, and partner. Only this kind of woman will have the patience to help you come to your full realisation as a man.
A good marriage isn’t just about having a child, but also about being happy. Without the person you are sharing your space, body, and mind with, there is no way a woman who isn’t properly in tune with your dreams can make you happy. Marriage is a compromise of all the aspects of life.
Take time out of this relationship first; sort out your needs before settling down with one. Ensure you and the woman share so many things in common. The example of the lady in the above captioned story should serve as a lesson to you.
Good luck.