My church can’t put up with my woman’s ways…

With Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626

Dear Agatha,
Please help me resolve this riddle in my life. Three years ago, I got called by God, though on a part-time basis.
I head one of the most successful branches of one of the leading second generation banks in the Niger-Delta areas in the country.
I was 40-year-old two months back. Right from my secondary school days, I have never had problems attracting members of the opposite sex.
I had the looks every average woman wanted but one trend began early in my life, the girls came all right, but I always had difficulties keeping them for more than two months at a go.
Something would always come up to either make them terminate the relationship, or I walk out on them.
I didn’t attribute anything to it until in my later years when all my friends began to settle down. It became more obvious when my elder brother of about five years difference too was struggling to keep a relationship. Till date he too is unmarried and has no child to call his own, at the time when some of his friends had stopped childbirth.
Before I completely gave my life to Christ, somebody told my brother and I when we accompanied our eldest sister to the village that something was wrong with the males in our family.
He said my father was the only male in the family who managed to keep a home and that was because my mother was a very strong Christian before she died.
Naïvely we thought it was just a normal spell of bad luck because we were among the most read and successful in our village.
Things however became clearer when I became born-again. Severally, I have been told in several crusades I have attended that my paternal grandfather was the cause of the problems my brother and I were going through. He had three sons and none of their male children is presently married.
However, recently after several prayers, I had this revelation in which I saw my grandfather maltreating a woman who swore to deal with his male children.
While I was still thinking of how to handle this problem, I met a lady quite by accident. She had come to my bank to transact a business. Since it was huge, she was brought in to see me.
Somehow we got talking and became quite close. Although she told me she was into event managing, I later got to know what sort of events she was really managing. To my dismay, I discovered her real interest was supplying girls to rich public officers.
Being a Christian, I wanted to withdraw from her but something kept me back. She is 10 years younger than I am.
I tried introducing her to Christ. Although she didn’t reject me out-rightly but she hadn’t given up her lifestyle either. She smokes, drinks and still engages in sex with these men for money in addition to providing them with other girls.
The real reason, I want your help is this: my prayer partners recently told me while they were praying that a message came that I must marry this lady else I would never marry in my life.
Honestly, the issue is not whether or not for now to marry the lady but the attitude of the church. My district pastor, after my discussion with him on the matter said it would rub off on the church as well as my growth in the ministry negatively because of the reputation of the lady.
He said it would jeopardise the church if I as parish pastor end up marrying a woman who is publicly known as a prostitute. He gave me the ultimatum to either quit the leadership of the church or let go of whatever ambition I have to marry this lady.
Because of his attitude and to be sure of the situation of things, I had to take time off my work for a few days to be alone with God and to get confirmation from Him.
I actually got my answer on the first day of my programme. The message was clear: she is the woman meant for me and that I would be the one to change her. That it is only after I have done that successfully, I can only enjoy the immense benefit of being married to her. It was further revealed to me that marriage to any other woman would only end in ruins for me.
To ensure I was hearing and seeing the right things, I went for help from other men of God who also confirmed it.
Now the issue is this, how do I present this woman to my family? How do I convince the leadership of the church to change their mind about their decision? Where do I begin the process of building trust in her?
What do I even tell the lady? How do I handle her because she appears set in her ways? With the kind of money she is making from her business would she ever let go of it to settle down with me as a wife? I know I earn good money but when compared to what she rakes in a day, my salary is nothing.
Please help me. Having waited this long, I really want to get things right with God and man. I don’t also know whether to quit my present church and go elsewhere. I am really hurt and disappointed at the lack of support, guidance and understanding I deserve on this issue. Isn’t the church supposed to provide support for confused minds? If I, as a servant of God is this confused, how much more an ordinary man?
Lucky.

Dear Lucky,
If God has spoken on this issue, allow Him to do it His own way. There is no rushing His time or helping Him because He is neither too late nor too early but always on time.
At His own appointed time, He would iron out all rough edges.
Don’t forget, the choice of the lady for you, as a wife, is His. He knows why He is insisting you marry her and gave you the warning to exercise patience for now by giving her all the support she needs to change. Love is a tonic. It can change a whole lot of things. No matter how rich or tough a woman is, she still needs love and the presence of a man in her life makes her completely whole. Only a man can fully compliment a woman, bring about that deep satisfaction right inside of her, and tap into the essence of her total being. A woman who is secured in the love of a man can do anything for the man.
Once you are able to earn her trust, convincing her to accept you into her life permanently would naturally end her trade.
She knows that the moment she gives you her answer to be your woman, whatever businesses she is doing on the side with all these other men would have to stop. It is a natural process that needs no hard work to achieve once there is genuine love on your parts.
Usually, it comes to a point in a woman’s life especially, when money isn’t all that matters. She is 30 years of age. The time has come in her life when money alone cannot bring her the joy she really need in life. She may appear to be enjoying the power and affluence of her trade but a woman is never really happy when she wakes up each morning to the realisation that her biological clock isn’t a respecter of how much she has in the bank or influenced by the power she wields.
To be frank, she may not be happy at what she is doing and may be waiting for the right man to help bring about the peace and sanity she lost when she went into this line of business. Sleeping with different kinds of men, no matter how rich they are, isn’t the average woman’s idea of happiness and contentment.
Even if you are not being mandated by God to marry her, as a
Christian you owe it to the body of Christ to help put her on the right path. The same understanding you would have given her as her pastor is what is now required of you as a prospective husband.
You trusted in Jesus Christ, that is why you agreed to follow a man you have never met physically but only read about. This is the same unconditional trust that is now required of you to take on this woman as your wife. You just must trust in the words of God that have come through several sources including you, that she is the only woman for you. To get to the honey you must first get past the bees. You must first show her that you are capable of loving her unconditionally despite the evidences of her lifestyle to make her reciprocate positively in your life.
The quality of the foundation you offer her today is what she would give in years to come – that time when you would really need a supportive wife to build your ministry and life. The attitude of the church is only God’s way of preparing you for the future. Of telling you that, you need a strong home base to fight a battle successfully.
Your pastor and church aren’t in support of your situation because they don’t share in your vision. Whereas, if you have a wife at home who shares in your vision, your ministry may not suffer this temporary setback because your wife would give you the strength others are denying you to excel.
Marriage is ultimately a personal thing. Marry the wrong person and be doomed. However, even if everybody says someone is wrong for you and the person turns out to be the right one for you, whatever happens, the home would be a haven of peace to always return to.
For this reason, insist on pleasing God and displeasing man. More often than not the things that please God are the very things that offend man.
As for leaving the church, it isn’t a decision for you to make. First ask God and allow Him to so direct you because leaving a place He has not asked you to leave comes with heavy consequences, some with very fatal results. As a man of God you should learn to exercise extreme patience and sensitivity to the things of the spirit to avoid costly but avoidable mistakes.
The way out is for you to continue to pray and to imbibe the spirit of obedience at all times even when the instructions appear very confusing. Remember, His ways are never ours so we cannot question Him on what He wants.
Good luck.