How do I say I don’t love her again?

With Auntie Agatha , gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com , Tel: 08054500626

Dear Agatha,

Thank you for the kind assistance you render to people and I pray your labour of love would be rewarded here on earth and also in the world to come.

I had a girl I was dating during my school days, but the relationship was not based on love, but lust instead.

Before I knew the inherent danger of such a relationship, she has aborted twice for me. She is currently undergoing her Higher National Diploma (HND) programme, while I am working with one of the biggest banks in Nigeria.

I am also an HND graduate. I read Secretarial Administration.

There is this lady I was once interested in, but due to my unserious attitude I lost her. Way back then, I knew she liked me but I just couldn’t be bothered.

However we are together now and frankly speaking I have found peace, joy, and love in her. She is an SSCE holder. She has written the Joint Admission Matriculation Examination severally without success, hence her decision to go to a catering school.

The main problem now is that I have decided to settle down with this lady but I have a girlfriend in school that has introduced me to her parents as well as her pastor. To make matter worse is the fact that I am the first man she has brought home to her parents and family. She is 26.

In fairness to her she has not offended me in anyway. It is just that I find so much peace and joy being with this other girl who is 24 years of age.

I know from my responses on the phone, the one in school knows there is something wrong, but I haven’t been able to tell her I have made up my mind to terminate the relationship with her.

Agatha, how do I tell her of my intentions to end my relationship with her? What do I do? I love the second girl with all my heart. My parents are worried and afraid not knowing what I am doing. I plan to get married next year, but how do I discharge the schoolgirl? I don’t want any curse in my life in the future.

Please Agatha, I really need your help.

Everyday, I pray for God’s intervention because marriage is a more serious business than many think. I don’t want to be like Samson, John Wesley, and Solomon, who despite their greatness were destroyed by the women in their lives.

Agatha, please tell me how to tell this girl in school who would be coming home soon that I am no longer interested in continuing the relationship with her?

Maxwell.





Dear Maxwell,

It is always better to err on the side of honesty than to err on the side of deceits and lies. There is no contesting the fact that your school based girlfriend would feel bad about this development in your relationship, but having deceived her enough, be very bold enough to tell her the truth concerning the status of your relationship with her.

That she has introduced you to her parents and pastor should not stop you from telling her the truth about your new feelings towards her. It is only when you both derive joy being together that your family would be happy. Her family would only support a union that guarantees the peace and happiness of their child.

Having made up your mind to marry this other girl, it would be pointless to continue to hold on to someone you admit isn’t giving you the type of happiness you want.

Your conclusion of being happier with another woman might not make complete sense to her, given the fact that at one time you gave her the impression that she was the most important woman in your life, but it should not stop you from dealing with the situation you have both found yourselves.

She deserves your unconditional apology because you betrayed her by going outside your relationship with her to commence something new with another woman. It doesn’t matter if this second woman is giving you so much joy or not, what is important and crucial is your disloyalty to your girlfriend in school.

What you should have done from the beginning was to have first terminated the relationship with her before going into this new one. In a way, you have also being deceiving this other girl who probably thinks she is the only woman in your life.

For you must have made up your mind on marrying her, and the relationship must have been on for sometime. How do you think she would react if she gets to find out that while you were giving her all the promises in the world, part of your heart was in the bank of another woman’s heart?

You have unwittingly dug for yourself a very delicate hole, which you need tact and very clear honesty to firm up. It is for this reason you must urgently deal with this situation before you lose the one you love in the process of being afraid to face up your past.

Since there is nothing that can compensate for the truth, begin by confessing to your present girlfriend first. She, like the other girl, deserves to know the truth. You may not see the need to tell her, but it is important she knows, because should complications occur in your handling of the other woman, you would need the support of your woman to move from the point you are now with the other woman.

But if you don’t tell her and she gets to know when the matter has become completely messy and out of hand, it would be difficult for you to get her to support your move and story. By then she might not be interested in hearing your story as she would now.

Besides hearing it from you would lessen the pains and sense of betrayal that come from hearing such things from a third party. Naturally she won’t be happy knowing that all along you have someone else in your life, but knowing what it has cost you to tell her the truth, she would forgive you easily and stand by you should the other lady decide to make his desire to end the relationship difficult.

After securing the support of your girlfriend, call for an appointment with your school based friend to tell her everything. Begin also by first apologising to her and giving her assurances that she hasn’t done anything to warrant your leaving her for another woman. This point is important to free her to be able to love and trust another man.

Make the reason for your choice very clear to her. Let her know that much as you would have liked to be with her, the reality of your feelings for her and your comprehension of what the marriage institution stands for make it difficult for you to continue with her. And that even if you force yourself to marry her as planned; the possibility of you giving her the type of marriage and life she deserves to be completely happy as a woman is nil, because the inherent joy and peace she needs to function in your life and home would never be there from your end.

She may not readily understand and appreciate what you are trying to pass on to her, but overtime when the pains of what appears now to be betrayal subsides, she would be glad you took the bold decision to leave her.

To make sure you are heading for a peaceful and happy marriage with this other woman, there is still the need to further subject your choice to the approval of God through fervent prayers because there is more to getting married and remaining married.

Good luck.