My husband locked me out of our bedroom

Marriage Clinic With Agatha Edo,gataedo@yahoo.com or agatha.edo@gmail.com, 08054500626

Dear Agatha,
I suspect my husband is having an affair. These days he complains practically about everything. If he is not criticising my shape or mode of dressing, he is complaining about my house keeping. I have tried to ignore him but it is becoming unbearable.

After claiming to be on official duties outside Lagos for a week, he came back and demanded we made love in a particular position we have never tried before. When I asked how he came about the position and what was wrong with the position we have adopted in our eight years of marriage, he countered by asking what was wrong in experimenting with his suggestions.

This was all I needed to confirm my suspicions that he was having an affair. Too hurt to say anything, I walked out of our bedroom and slept in the children’s room that night.

Since then he has kept me outside our bedroom. He says I should continue to sleep with the children in their room since I seem to prefer them to him.

He not only changed the lock but refused to give me a copy. When I wasn’t at home he had most of my things moved into the children’s room.

These days he comes back when he likes and often do not eat at home. When he comes in, he only peeps into the children’s room before moving into our bedroom.

I have tried getting him to talk but he has refused to discuss with me or say anything to me.

I don’t know what to do. I am seriously thinking about trailing him and finding out who this other woman is and warning her to stay off my husband in her own interest. If there isn’t any woman, he won’t be this hard or difficult.

Please help me.

Worried Wife.


Dear Worried Wife,

Irrespective of what his attitude had been, you were wrong to have walked away when the sensitive issue of sex position was being discussed by the two of you. Even if you had reservations about the position he was canvassing, leaving him to sleep in the children’s room wasn’t right.

Not only did you by that action tell him that you are not concerned about his feelings but that you are not interested whatsoever in what he was saying. Locking you out of your bedroom, is communicating the extent of his pains and hurt.

Rather than waste your precious time looking for the other woman in his life and causing yourself and marriage unnecessary problems, concentrate more on resolving the problem you are having with him.

Don’t lose sight of the danger of his insistence you stay out of your matrimonial bed. If you have been sleeping with the children in their room, it means he hasn’t bothered to be intimate with you since you walked out on him. If this situation persists, you risk losing not just him but your home as well.

You really need to act fast if you desire to have your man and home back. And this is not by fighting any woman over him. Don’t forget if you did a good job in the first place by keeping your man by your side, the other woman won’t have unrestricted access to him.

Not only is he not sleeping with you, he is also not eating your food. These are very dangerous signs that you are no longer in control of your man and home. He only needs just a little more provocation to show the door out of your home. If he can do without sex and food, he might as well do away with you completely. Your value in that house as his wife is daily being eroded by this strange arrangement.

Frankly, the signs are ominous and would need a supreme will from you to reverse. In addition to prayers, you need wisdom and absolute sense of maturity to win him over. To do this right, you have to stoop to conquer. The time for anger and arrogance is long past. This is the time for you as a woman to use submissiveness and all the craft of a desperate woman to win back your man and home.

Begin your campaign and battle for supremacy by first apologising to him. Even if he refuses to listen the first time, keep begging him in nightgowns you know are sinfully sexy; the ones that scream you are available and showcases your features as a delectable woman.

This is not the time for modesty. There is nothing you have on and inside that body he hasn’t seen before or doesn’t have a right to. He isn’t just any man. He is your husband so go all out to get him back. Remember you are licensed to.

Even if there is another woman, you have the advantage of being under his roof; you have a knowledge of him this woman doesn’t have and above all, you have the support of God on this matter. The only thing standing between you and your happiness is pride. If you are not bothered about kneeling before him every day until he thaws, you will definitely get him to listen to you.

Once you are able to get him to discuss with you, the battle is half won. Since he is interested in experimenting with other positions, you have to arm yourself with updates on interesting sexual positions. The pleasure of life comes from a deep sense of adventure. Sex is like food; it needs interesting peps, inventions and experiments to make it very appealing. There is no way you will get pleasure from sex if you keep doing a particular style. Don’t forget that this is something you would both do for the rest of your lives. You are just eight years into a journey of a lifetime. And if at this early stage, your husband is already showing signs of boredom with you and your sexual attitude, think of what would become of this marriage in another five years time?

Even if you feel irritated and suspect a woman to be behind his complains as well as criticism of you, good wisdom demands you listen to him and ask yourself if he is right. There is never smoke without fire. There is something you must be doing wrong to attract his constant criticism. It is only when you adopt a clear and open mind about his attitude that you will discover your own faults in all these.

The more you think he is being instigated by the presence of another woman in his life, the more you drift away from your husband. There is no perfect human being. Granted, he maybe taking things out of context, but accepting your own weakness would help you change for the best.

Should you ideally give attention to your looks and housekeeping? That you have been doing it in a particular way doesn’t mean you are getting it right. Ask him what areas he thinks you aren’t devoting enough attention and time to. Listen to his suggestions, after all he too lives in that house and is your number one admirer; the only one who has all the rights in the world to complain about your looks. You should actually be bothered if he is saying he isn’t too pleased with your looks. Ask for his helpful hints in creating an improved you. Chances are if there is a woman in his life, he would want you to look like her so he would continue to sustain his interest in you. Sincerely, it isn’t such a bad idea as long as you have him to yourself.

Use the opportunity of begging him to solicit for his help in enhancing the look of your home as well as other areas of your lives.

If your shape is a headache, don’t fret, if you cannot get the fats off, ensure you don’t add up unnecessarily. Dress in clothes that compliment your figure that brings out the beauty in your shape as well as smile at your strong feature, go also for hairstyles that make your face glow with the pride of a woman who is so sure of herself.

Often than not, it is not the shape that is the problem but how to manage the shape and get the best out of it.

By involving him in your wardrobe, management of your home since he obviously doesn’t mind, your relationship is given the right foundation to grow naturally. You actually become a team, one no woman no matter how attractive can break.

In a way, your husband through his complains is asking for that chance to be more active in your life.

Go and beg him for the sake of your home. Even if you feel he is simply being difficult, you need to bring him back home because to do otherwise is to destroy the home you have been building for these eight years.

Good luck.