My brother boils over my proposed marriage to a police officer…

Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626

Dear Agatha,
I am in a relationship that is currently about two years. The girl in question is the same girl I intend to marry. I have taken her to my place and I have gone to see her people as well. Our traditional marriage ceremony is coming very soon.

The problem I have is that my elder brother does not like the girl I want to marry due to her profession, a police officer. Although my brother isn’t supporting me financially or offering any moral help, yet his attitude is affecting me all the same.

Please how do I handle this?

Mr. J.


Dear Mr. J,

What is wrong in being a police officer? Since when did being a police personal become a consideration in the process of marriage?

You are the one marrying this lady, not your brother. You are the one who will live with her and as long as you are comfortable about what she does for a living, don’t listen to what any other person has to say.

As your elder brother, he has a right to an opinion, but that is as far as it goes. When it comes to the issue of marriage, it is a personal thing because the choice is one you must have to live with for the rest of your life.

For you to have come this far with this woman, you must have found priceless qualities in her. Ones you may never find in another woman. Ones, which in later years would give you the happiness you deserve in life.

This man may be your brother but he has no right to stand between you and happiness especially if the reasons are as flimsy as the one he is advertising. You are not going to be living with her uniform but the woman inside the uniform. This is the point you should communicate to your elder brother.

Tell him that beyond the uniform of her profession is a woman who has all it takes to make you eternally happy. Marriage has no uniform, creed, colour, tribe beyond it being rewarding and beneficial emotionally, psychologically, mentally and spiritually fulfilling to the two people involved.

If his fears are based on her paramilitary training and the possibility of her refusal to submit herself to your authority in the home front, for whatever it is worth, assure him that you don’t intend playing the hen-pecked husband and that her uniform is only relevant outside your home.

I suspect his discomfort with her has to do with your ability to manage the intimidation her uniform presents. Being an elder brother who perhaps has more knowledge of your limitations as a person, he is simply concerned. On this premise, humour him by explaining your need for this woman in your life as well as your capacity to head your home.

If after this he persists in his attitude, ignore him and go ahead with your plans to marry this woman.

However, in your interest, don’t discuss this with your woman because your woman may never be able to forgive your brother or forget the fact that he tried to stop you from marrying her. She may never be able to bring herself to treat him with all the respect he deserves as your elder brother. An attitude if not managed well may bring about a permanent crack in the quality of friendship between you and your brother.

Managing a home and maintaining a balance in the relationships between you, your family as well as friends, entails tremendous wisdom and craft. If you tell your woman about your brother’s disapproval of her, you may be forfeiting the opportunity of assuring your brother of your ability to control your home.

Besides telling her you may also pitch her against other family members who may want to rally behind your brother if she insults him.

If you are sure of the choice you made and that your elder brother’s opposition isn’t premised on something more fundamental; please go ahead to secure your own happiness.

Good luck.