Can she remain faithful while I’m abroad?

Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626


Dear Agatha,

I must say you are an instrument of God. Thank you for your great honesty.

I am 27 years of age. I currently have this problem with my fiancée.

In the first place there is no denying the fact that we are both in love with each other but since I have the desire to travel abroad without her, I am scared about losing her.

This is because I am not her first lover. What do you think I should do to manage this situation without losing her to another man?

Do you think a blood engagement can help?

Since meeting her, I have never cheated on her or thought of looking at another woman. How do I know if she is my wife?

Agatha, I keep having this feeling she may cheat on me while I am out of the country, what can I do to stop her from cheating on me? I love her so much. Finally, I can do whatever she wants. Please am I doing the right thing?

Confused Man



Dear Confused Man,

Trust is the basis for the success of every relationship. Without it, there is nothing anybody can do. You must learn to trust her, no matter what you feel especially if she hasn’t given you any reason to distrust her.

Not being her first lover doesn’t make her less of a person to be trusted. You knew she wasn’t a virgin when you met her, so you must learn to live with that knowledge no matter the situation you both find yourselves in.

Being a virgin doesn’t automatically confer the status of trust on a woman, what does is her conduct and commitment to her partner at any given time.

For you to be so in love with her, she must have some outstanding qualities you cannot afford to miss.

Trust isn’t built in a day, it takes a while and this is derived from behavioural pattern of a particular person. In all your time with her, think as objectively as possible, has she ever given you any reason to doubt her, suspect her of being incapable of staying faithful to you while you are away?

Jealousy is a very dangerous emotion. She would feel very hurt and miserable if she finds out that you don’t trust her to be responsible while you are away in a foreign land and that you even suspect her of being incapable of remaining faithful to you.

However, to give you the assurance you need to live a stress free life, call her to discuss your fears and anxiety with her. Be careful not to give her the impression you don’t trust her at all because it could make her undergo severe pressure from men or her family do something she would ordinarily not do; whereas if she is secured in your trust you would equally do anything to defend that trust.

What do you mean by blood engagement? Are you talking about blood covenant? Sincerely, it isn’t worth it, because the spiritual implications are usually not favourable. The attendant spiritual complication is always too severe at the end of the day especially if both of you end up with other partners.

Blood engagement or covenant is also an evidence of insecurity and lack of trust. It is akin to forcing each other to stay in a relationship against one’s will, having a relationship under duress. This should arise where there is trust and security.

One way you can get her to remain faithful to you and you to her is for both of you to fuse unconditional friendship into your relationship. To do this, de-emphasise sex. You are jittery of leaving her behind because you think she cannot stay without sex. If both of you had from the beginning founded your relationship on enduring qualities like friendship, tolerance and understanding what is really required to make a relationship happy, this morbid fears you are nursing would not have been.

Unless you have an idea of what you want from life, learn to pay attention to those qualities you know would give you endless happiness in a woman, you may never know if she is your wife or not. To know if she is the right one for you, you must begin the appraisal from your own end. What do you understand by love? Is it for you the same thing as having fulfilling sex with a pretty woman? Is physical beauty for you the only thing that your ideal woman must have? What do you understand by inner beauty, which envelops humility, respects loyalty, tolerance, support, care, believes in you, responsibility, understanding, faith in the relationship and selflessness? These are all the things that give birth to friendship, which brings out the inner treasures in a person.

Without you having full grasp of all that are required to turn an ordinary relationship into an earth moving experience irrespective of whether the couple is together or not, inside or outside the bedroom, there is no way anybody can say she is a wife material. She must in addition to the above qualities have a passion for your well being which in turn translates to good house keeping and nourishment.

Sincerely there is nothing you can do to stop her from being disloyal to you if she has the tendency to do it. She doesn’t have to wait for you to travel out before dating another man. A man or woman, who has the tendency to cheat, would do it irrespective of where his or her partner is. The only thing that can stop her is her commitment to you and yours to her. It is not enough for her to remain committed to you if you fail to reciprocate her gesture. As a matter of fact, she is the one that needs all the assurances in the world because you are the one leaving her behind. The excitement and loneliness of a new surrounding are enough grounds for you to be unfaithful. If you love her also learn to trust her.

But one very solid way of protecting this relationship is to entrust it to God. If you are both meant to be, God would preserve it no matter the challenge but if God didn’t design her for you, everything you do would be in vain.

Good luck.