She’s too stingy, so I masturbate…

With Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626


Dear Agatha,

I thank you for the incisive way you treat problems. Hope mine will not be an exception. I am a 26-year-old undergraduate in my final year. My problem has to do with the attitude of my girlfriend who is of the same age with me.

I love and cherish this girl so much but she hardly gives me attention. I am the one always calling and sending her text messages, and she hardly replies these messages. As a matter of fact she only beeps me once in two months.

It isn’t a matter of her not having money to buy credit, because she at least works. Besides we don’t reside in the same location.

I have made enough sacrifices in terms of showing her true love since we started two years ago.

Once I tried having sex with her but when she declined, I haven’t bothered her since. All we do is to kiss. To satisfy my sexual desires, I masturbate. My intention is to get married to this girl as soon as I finish schooling.

But since she isn’t giving me the attentions I desire, should I part ways with her and continue with my masturbation habit until I find someone who cares for me?

Confused EJ.

Dear Confused EJ,

Being age mates with you, so many things combine to make her appears cold towards you. These are fundamental issues, but which she obviously doesn’t want to discuss with you.

At 26, she is itching towards that important age most women begin to take serious the issue of their life partners, when they begin to sieve the wheat from the chaff. Being of the same age with her, you may not have much to offer her now especially as you are still in school while she is already working.

You still have one year of service as well as one or two years to be psychologically ready that is if you already have a promised job. If you are going to join the thousands who have already graduated for years still looking for the few jobs around, then it may take longer than that for you to be ready.

Add all these years to her current age and you will discover that by that time you would be in her 30s. This is obviously a risk she doesn’t want to take with you.

She may find you very amicable and loving, but all these don’t count as important to a woman desperate to marry. It isn’t you she is rejecting, but the circumstances surrounding your person.

Don’t get me wrong; this has nothing to do with money but with the reality on the ground. If you were through with education and only contending with the difficulties of looking for a job, it would be more appealing to her.

She may also be worried about your eventual reaction to the issue of her age. Should she brave the odds to stick it out with you, what guarantees does she have that you would not find her too old for you when you are settled and have the opportunity of attracting the interest of a younger female?

It could also be a case of your maturity or attitude. Both of you may be age mates, but being a woman her thinking and attitude would definitely be more matured than yours. It is a natural thing; women mature in their thinking and attitude faster than a man of their age.

As the man, you should make out time to talk to her. Pre-empt her questions and worries because like I said these are worries she may not want to share with you.

By initiating the discussions and addressing issues she didn’t want to discuss with you, you give her the chance to really open up on those things bothering her about a full-scale relationship with you. It would also give you a clear clue on how to tackle some things you have been worrying yourself over.

It would also give you two the chance to talk about your future, plan and concretise certain things. For instance, both of you may decide that it is best for you to go into business once you graduate rather than waste precious time on searching for a job.

You may have been together for two years, but you both haven’t gotten past the kindergarten stage in this relationship. It is time you discussed as two matured people dating and not like secondary school students who are scared of advertising their relationships.

At 26, both of you are matured enough to know what you are into. By taking time out to talk about it, you throw open all the options available to you.

As for the issue of masturbation, it isn’t an alternative to you having intimacy with a woman. It is a habit you must strive to outgrow before you begin to think of marriage.

Good luck.