She coerced me into marrying her

Marriage Clinic, With Agatha Edo. email;gataedo@yahoo.com;agatha.edo@gmail.com: Tel: 08054500626

Dear Agatha,

Despite being in financial stress, the lady I was dating mounted pressure on me to marry her. We ended up getting marriage in the registry. She met me while I was studying for my Ordinary National Diploma. Before we got married, we discussed my financial status as well as how to share the bills between us. We agreed on something but I couldn’t continue with my studies after a while due to lack of funds.

Four years into our marriage, I found out she was four years older than I am. This isn’t the only issue I have to contend with. She also doesn’t give in to sex when I want it. She only agrees to it when she wants it. This habit of hers has pushed me to masturbating.

Even though we got married before my two elder brothers, their wives have since given birth while mine hasn’t even gotten pregnant for one day.

I honestly feel like moving on with my life. Please advice me on what to do because before I married, I got a lady pregnant.

I have discussed this issue with my family who are all aware that I am fed up. You won’t believe she once starved me of sex for three months. Her excuse was the herbal concoction she was taking to get pregnant. I have been managing a security job but my contract with the company has ended.

At 31, I am preparing for my UTME examinations. I would appreciate if you can help me get a job to enable me start life all over again.

Worried Man.


Dear Worried Man,

When the going gets very tough; only the tough gets going. There is no where in the Bible that God promised us a problem free life; His grace, He says, is sufficient to see us through difficult periods in our lives. This promised grace would help you recover all that you have lost. It is just a matter of time and patience.

I wish I had a job to offer you but this is one request I cannot help you with If you are desirous of working with the company you mentioned, go in there and drop your C.V. You never can tell what God intends to accomplish for you.

As for your marriage, you just have to learn to endure the situation. Granted, she lied about her age but the fact remains that you allowed yourself to be persuaded to marry her. You must have felt something very strong for her to have yielded to her pressures.

If you are just finding out about the four-year gap between the two of you, it means her age sits well on her. If it didn’t, you would have noticed it from the time you met. Therefore it isn’t that she is older than you that is the real bother here but the fact that she kept such vital information from you. This, plus the fact that you felt cheated in marrying a woman you wouldn’t ordinarily have married given the age difference is the issue here.

Sincerely, you have every right to be angry with her. You also have every reason to doubt other things about her but the bottom line is that you have to find it in your heart to forgive her if the required effort has to be put to salvage this marriage.

A lot of things could happen in a marriage to bring on a change of attitude in either the woman or the man but these same circumstances can be erased with the right attitude as well as determination.

Before you can make a conclusive decision concerning the viability of the marriage, you have to be sure that there is nothing else you can do. This is important because as we grow older in life, we begin to acquire a deeper understanding to life. Issues we were impatient about before would no longer mean so much. This is what you should avoid because there is no telling what you would encounter in your next marriage.

Every marriage has a cross and if you aren’t careful, you may discover that there is more warmth where you are coming from than where you are going to.

You must attempt to avoid life long regrets, the kind you would wish you could undo.

I am sure she wasn’t like this when you agreed to marry her. Something must have happened between the time you both married and now to make her change dramatically. You must therefore begin the search for answers from your end. What did you do wrong? The fault can’t be hers only. Why did she have to lie about her age? Would you have married her if you knew her age? Would your love for her have been sufficient to cover the fact that she is older than you are?

Yes, she wronged you by keeping this important information away from you but divorce isn’t always the answer. If you are both unable to conceive since getting married four years ago, what efforts have you two made to find out medically what the matter is and what modern medicine can be of help to the one with the fault?

That you have impregnated someone before doesn’t mean you cannot suffer secondary infertility. One or two things may have happened in the past to affect your reproductive system. It is always wrong for anybody to assume that because certain things have happened in the past, one is okay medically. There is so much both of you can do together as a couple to help improve on the situation between the two of you. If you are both friends, she would be free to discuss her past with you and tell you whatever you have to know about her past love life. You are both in the dark about each other’s medical history because there is massive distrust on your parts. You have to learn to trust each other sufficiently to get to the root of this medical problem.

In addition, babies can only come when the home is happy. With the tension between the two of you, conception may be very difficult if not impossible.

If she is taking any medication, you should know about it. That she is taking it without your knowledge shows that there is no cohesion between both of you. The bitterness and disappointments of not having a child becloud your marriage so much so, you have forgotten the reason you both got married in the first place.

Marriage is more than having a child or children. If you are having difficulties having a child, don’t have difficulties being friends and companion to each other. This way, you make your marriage so strong and elastic to withstand any situation.

Honestly, this is the time for both of you to focus on building your marriage as well as the quality of your life. That you are unemployed doesn’t mean you cannot have a happy home, one in which your woman would willingly contribute her quota.

Some of the time, our partners react to the signals they are getting from us. If the message she is getting from you is that she is worthless in your life because she hasn’t been able to give you a child, there is no way you will ever get the best from her because of that inherent fear that she is a stranger in your home and life. Your brothers’ wives that have children are living in their seasons; when it is the season of your wife to be a mother, God will grant her prayers. Don’t compare; it is the worst thing you can do to your marriage.

If you are able to cross the hurdle of anger, a lot of things would work out fine.

Both of you have to seek the face of God together for your lives to be meaningful.

Good luck.