Can oral pill insure our sex life till we wed?

With Auntie Agatha email:gataedo@yahoo.com;agatha.edo@gmail.com: Tel: 09054500626

Dear Agatha,

Thanks for everything you have done for those who run to you with their problems. I am an avid reader of your column. I think now is the time for me to share my own problem, so that I will also benefit from you.

There is this girl I love so much. She is in fact my soul mate. I have never stopped thanking God for making us to know each other. Before I met her, I dated other girls. I have never had the type of love and friendship I have with her with another woman.

She is not just my girlfriend, but also my best friend. She has repeatedly demonstrated her love for me. I have never had reasons to doubt her except once. She told me she was going to study with a classmate of hers. When I rang her that night, she didn’t want to speak loudly, and there was a male voice at the background. She walked away from the voice and went into what I believe was the kitchen of the house and spoke with me from there. Anyway, I didn’t question her then, but I did when she came back. I noticed that she was different when I wanted to make love to her. She seemed afraid and a bit frigid, completely different from the woman who left me to study. My mind still goes back to that incident. I feel she cheated on me that day. Agatha, do you think she cheated on me that day? Moreover, the voice I heard sounded like the voice of a man I know who has never hidden his interest in having her. She later told me that the male voice I heard was the voice of her friend’s boyfriend with whom she told me she was going to study with.

My main concern at the moment is that because of the circumstances of our life, we are not yet ready for marriage. We even live in different countries. But our relationship is still perfect. However, we are often afraid that she may get pregnant. She is too fertile. She sees her period every 24 days. She ovulates less than 10 days after her period. I am always willing to use a condom, but she doesn’t like it. She prefers it without condom. Yet she doesn’t want to go for any artificial birth control method. She says she doesn’t need it since we don’t live in the same country and only have sex whenever we meet.

I am worried that she may get pregnant when we are not ready, and that will throw our plans into jeopardy. She says she is willing to take only the oral pill whenever we have sex, and for that day only. I have told her repeatedly that the oral pill is supposed to be taken daily, and will not work if taken only when one have sex.

Agatha is there any suggestion you have for me. I do not want to get her pregnant because I love her and know that an unplanned pregnancy will destroy the plan she has for her life at the moment.

I know that as a man my life will go on regardless of her pregnancy. It would only mean financial responsibility for me, which I am very capable of at the moment.

I love her so much and want her life to go smoothly, according to her plans for herself. Is there any birth control method that you know is save and efficient, which we can use whenever we are together, that will not need long term planning?

T.

Dear T.,

Since you didn’t question her then about the other man, nothing you do or say would reveal the truth or identity of the voice of the man you heard. Even if you ask her friend, she is most likely to queue behind her friend.

Had you taken the matter up when she got back home and noticed a difference in her attitude when you attempted to make love to her, the truth would have come out then. Time has made the issue cold and given her room to marshal her point.

It would be useless and unnecessary distraction to your relationship if you bring it up now. Frankly, it isn’t worth it since you appear to have forgiven her and moved on from that spot. If true she is into something with this man or another man, you definitely will get your chance of questioning her one-day. This kind of game doesn’t last forever. The truth would eventually come through.

As for her insistence not to go on birth control pills, she must have her reasons as well as the knowledge of her body to avoid pregnancy. I cannot recommend anything because I don’t know her history. What works for one woman may not work as efficiently for another woman, hence cases of failed birth control methods. She has to see a medical expert on the matter.

Besides, she doesn’t have to go on pills. She could use female condoms or internally fixed birth control methods, like coils to prevent pregnancy. Encourage her when both of you are together to visit the nearest family planning clinic nearest you to discuss all the alternatives you have.

There is also the choice of injections too. Birth control methods have gone beyond oral; it is simply a matter of what she wants.

However, it goes beyond you wanting her to be on birth control. It is more of an agreement thing, both of you discussing your future plans. Help her understand that your concern is more for her future than yours; that you want her to be happy and to reach her goals in life.

That as a man, your life would continue whether she is pregnant or not but the same cannot be said of her since she has the responsibility of carrying the baby inside her as well as caring for the baby until the child attains the age of being entrusted to the care of other persons.

Let her also know, you will never support an abortion hence her need to depend on some forms of birth control if both of you are going to be intimate when together.

She could be adamant because you never bothered to explain in details to her your fears. She may think your insistence on her using birth control pills is because you don’t love her enough, hence trying to avoid responsibilities that might come from her getting pregnant.

Except you take the pains to really explain your real fears to her, you might not really get the desired cooperation from her.

Good luck.