Many men loitering round her makes me kick…

With Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626


Dear Agatha,

I am one of your readers, 23 years of age in a relationship with a lady, who is 22 years of age. I love her a lot, but my problem is that she has too many male friends; some do take her out. I have not asked her about all these. In December last year, I was forced by her attitude to quit the relationship. This followed my sighting her with a man at a restaurant. I still didn’t tell her my reason for opting out.

She however called to plead that we meet to put things right in our relationship. But through out the month of January, I couldn’t get through to her on the phone. In annoyance, I deleted her number from my cell phone.

In February she flashed me with another number. I called the number and she told me she is back online, that she would like us to plan our relationship.

I didn’t complain instead, I obliged her request even though I had earlier decided against seeing her.

Though she apologised for her misconduct, but there is still a question bothering me. It has to do with her virginity. I am not sure about her state anymore, considering the number of men around her. But I am being cautioned by my mind not to ask her the question. I am a very jealous person.

I don’t like the way men flock around her. I am not satisfied with her apology.

Agatha, do you think she is worthy of my love? All I want is a woman that will impact on my life positively. I don’t want a woman that is too demanding. I want someone I can share my thoughts of the future with and who will be part of my life. Do you think this lady is worth my time? She has never told me she loves me since we started dating.

Ogbuefi Jnr.


Dear Ogbuefi Jnr.,

Communication is a powerful tool of enhancing a relationship. No two people can walk together in harmony and understanding without talking about issues they have no comprehension of.

In the first place, both of you are strangers, from different families, cultures, temperaments, moral views and attitudes. It would take a long time for all these differences to be merged and for both of you to acquire the kind of appreciation of each other. Even old marriages are still daily going through adjustments and we never really get it all right until we breathe our last breath.

Given the ages you both are, this is understandable. You both have a long way to go. At your ages, jealousy, girls and boys are still the order of the day. At 23, she is at her prime, most attractive when all the men appear to be interested in her. It is natural for you to be jealous as most of these men have the means to entertain her in places you only wish to take her to.

If you are jealous, it is natural but you have to moderate it else you end up doing something you would later regret.

Jealousy, if not checked, can be very destructive with no remedy.

What you should do to ensure you are not holding the wrong side of the candle is to come out with your observations as well as your fears concerning her morals. Don’t be ashamed to voice what you have seen and your conclusions. By letting her know, you are giving her the benefit of doubt by offering her the opportunity to explain who these men are, her business with them and the nature of her relationship with those you have seen her with at restaurants, you demonstrate understanding that life offers a podium for every kind of interactions; that men and women come together for different reasons other than romance.

Irrespective of what the outcome of this relationship may be, you must grow the maturity this early; that things are usually not what they seem from afar. Unless you plan to go through life challenging every man that comes in contact with your woman, develop the maturity to be thorough in whatever you do.

Make up your mind on what to do if after confronting her with all the allegations you are not satisfied with. But if she begged you to forgive her, it means there is an acknowledgment that she did something she should be sorry for.

Life generally treats us better if we learn to let go of many things. Holding on to issues you should ordinarily forget never allows one get the full perspective of life. Life is a balance of the good, the bad, the ugly and beautiful.

Because we are all imperfect before God, we must learn to understand the imperfection of people around us as announcement of our own weaknesses. Do what you feel is right for you and the situation you can cope with.

Good luck.