She has penchant for uptown fun

Dear Agatha,

Please help me solve my problem. I am 22 years old in a relationship with a 20-year-old girl. It all started when she was taking her Senior Secondary School Certificate Examination. 

I love this girl with all my heart but she has never once told me she loves me. I took her out one day and she complained bitterly that I was disgracing her by going to the waiter to order for something twice.

According to her, I should have done it once. She is best described as a social butterfly and forever asking me to take her out to one of the latest and trendy places or the other. She tells me to send her credit, which I do always, and she hardly calls me with the credit I send her. When I ask her why she never calls, she tells me she doesn’t have money to buy credit. 

She hasn’t even told me she likes me. She has many male admirers. What do you suggest I do because I love her and want her for keeps?

Ogbuefi

Dear Ogbuefi,

This lady is far more experienced about life than you are, even at 22. Unless you are ready to do unorthodox things to sustain her lifestyle, there is no way you can ever please her financially. She has a cultured taste bud you don’t have as well as attitude whatever you make now cannot sustain.

You may love her but she doesn’t love you and appears to be tolerating your presence in her life due to lack of a better alternative. She is complaining about your behaviour because she isn’t exactly into you and hasn’t reconciled herself to you. 

Frankly, you need a woman to encourage you to self-actualisation, not one who is negative about you. This girl isn’t good for you, would not only make you lose confidence as a man but also as human being who has a destiny to fulfill on earth.

At every point in life, we need positive minded people around to give us the much needed encouragement to move on with our dreams; the kind of people that are matured enough to allow us to make our mistakes with the view of helping us discover through those mistakes our real strength. At 22, these are the kinds of people you need around you. The journey is only just beginning for you, therefore be sure you surround yourself with people who can help you grow, discover who you are as well as those willing to help develop you from dream to reality. 

The worst kind of mistake a man or woman can make is to be close to a person who isn’t ready to add value to his or her life. 

At 22, you are at that age when a serious minded youth plants for the days ahead. Are you in school or working? If you are in school, do concentrate more energy on your studies because at the end of the day, that is what would benefit you the most; get you the kind of woman you need in life.

The kind of love you have for this lady is the one that would eventually hurt you emotionally and psychologically. Respect begins from learning to support your partner in the little things that matter especially when in public. If she complains of your attitude in public, there is no telling the kind of things she would do later.

For this reason, allow her be. Refuse to continue to play the role of her credit-sending boyfriend. She would definitely come back if she has any feelings for you beyond the credit she gets.

Don’t allow the love you have for her make you stupid or appear incapable of existing without her. Much as I appreciate all that you are going through, it is always better to get hurt early in a relationship than wait for later when you would have invested so much into it. 

To help you get over the attendant pains that would follow this decision, concentrate more efforts on whatever you are doing and allow yourself enjoy the thrills and beauty of nature by going with some positive minded friends to tourists’ sites. 

These kind of places apart from helping to distract your mind from the pains within, also help one focus on the important things of life, those things we take for granted or don’t notice because of the other things we are involved in. 

When the time comes for you to deal with the complexity of the woman, God will send that special one who would give you all the support to grow into the kind of mind and man you dreamt you would be one day. 

You still have a long way to go to be ready for this kind of woman. It takes dedication on your work/studies, foresight, vision and determination to make it get you to the point of being ready. 

Good luck