My Friend Courts Her Now

Dear Agatha,

I appreciate the way you proffer solutions to problems brought to you. I really want to thank you profusely.

I am an 18-year-old man in love with a girl who is also deeply in love with me. I discover that all of a sudden she stopped visiting me. When I asked to know what happened, she refused to say any thing. I kept pleading to know what I had done wrong but all to no avail. I even went to the extent of pleading for forgiveness in case I did something to hurt her, but nothing worked.

I therefore decided to go through her friends to plead my case. It was at this point I discovered that the reason she stopped coming to see me was because she was dating a friend of mine.

So, I went to confront her, but she tried to cover it up but opened up when I told her what her friends told me. I am confused and desperately in need of your help on what to do next.

Andy. 

Dear Andy,

At 18, you are too young to have sleepless nights over love matters. If I am correct, this girl would be at least a year younger than you. At your ages, you both should put more efforts and time on insuring your future through sound education. Stop bothering yourself over this relationship. You need not give immense time to matters of the heart but limited time to position your life in the direction it would be of immense benefit to you and family.

When the right time comes, God would send that special lady that would treat you like her king and accord you all the respect you deserve as the man in her life.

Meanwhile have all the best of luck in your educational pursuit.

Age Differential Stands Against Our Marriage

Dear Agatha,

I am a 27-year-old man in love with a 36-year-old lady. We are so much in love. We don’t have any secret between us. This is about the 

best relationship I have had till now, but the problem is that a lot of people are complaining she is older than me or too old to be my wife.

I am really confused about the whole situation at the moment. Agatha, this is a woman that has done so much for me.

When I met her, she was dating a man, but agreed to drop him for me if I insisted she did. In fairness to her, she did. There was a night we were together when the man came to visit her, right in my presence she told the man to go because she had found someone whom she loved so much and wouldn’t want to hurt.

Since we started dating, I have no reason to regret having her in my life. She has made me very happy but the pressure now is on me to leave her. I don’t want to because she has shown me she really loves me. Can I go ahead to marry despite being older than me? Advise me on what to do.

Da Capone.

 Dear Da Capone,

The most important thing is what you both feel for each other and, not what people say.

If you love her, please go ahead and marry her. It is your life, your future and happiness that matter not the opinion of those who aren’t in your shoes, hence those who don’t know what you are feeling. 

If you are not bothered about the differences in ages, don’t mind what others think. Marriage is a companionship of the soul, spirit and body. Only very few people understand that there is more to marriage than the physical. As long as she gives you the respect you deserve as her man and you don’t feel embarrassed by the relationship, tell those people urging you to leave her that you know what you want and what you are doing. 

This is because, it is the nature of people to talk and try to impose their opinions on others. Besides, this woman is looking up to you to give her the right kind of leadership she needs to continue to entrust her life and body to you. The moment she senses you cannot be trusted to be your own person, she would lose whatever respect she currently has for you. Even if you end up deciding in her favour, it is always difficult for a man to regain the lost respect of the woman in his life. 

Marriage is a serious business that involves two souls that understand, appreciate and love each other. If you are able to manage your union, age is just another number, not a factor. The bedrock of any successful marriage is how differences are managed with minimal fall-out. At this critical stage in your life, your happiness as defined by you is what matters not what others think it should be.

Very importantly, commit your relationship to God. His involvement is what makes the most difference. 

Good luck