We Are Of Same Age

Dear Agatha,

I got to know this girl through my younger sister. They both attended the same school. We gradually got talking and soon became good friends. I got to know her very well and wanted her for keeps then but since I was due to for the National Youth Service, I decided against asking her out. Besides, I have never subscribed to this “sowing of wild oats” thing.

Last year, I came to town and she was around (on holiday). So, I made my intention known to her. Though, she didn’t give a clear idea of her feelings in words, her actions showed she too felt the same way about me and ever since we’ve been in touch with each other. 

But, recently, it occurred to me that this lady is about the same age as me. 

Though, I have not talked this over with her, I intend to. However, whenever she is around me I usually get scared of bringing up the matter for discussion for fear of what her response might be.

I have related this matter to a few of my friends but they have not helped me in anyway with any positive solution other than that it is unwise and un-African to continue with her. I really would love to settle down with this lady, hence my questions and the need of your advice.

Considering the African society we belong to, would it be okay for me to go ahead with the relationship?

Are there likely to be social implications in such a relationship later in life?

Is it true that ladies age quicker than men? I need to clear these worries before I discuss with her. Thank you.

Ayo.

Dear Ayo,

Love is all that matters. When contemplating the choice of a life partner, age is the least thing that makes it work provided the age gap is not such that leaves a deep gap. Being of the same age with your woman is not a treasonable felony.

What ought to be of paramount interests to you is your feelings for her, how she feels about you and the depth of your feelings for each other.

Many a time, we end up with the wrong choices because things that ought not to matter are the things we play up, relegating to the backburner those things that at the end of the day determine our depth of happiness and peace.

There are many successful couples that are either of the same age or the women involved are slightly older.

Age is just a number, which should not be allowed to determine our state of happiness. Look beyond her age and look at how good a wife she would make, how much respect she accords you as the man in the relationship, her level of responsibility, her spirituality, her outlook generally to life and her temperament. 

Look at the interests you both share. Is she somebody you can rely on through the thick and thin? What sort of friend would she be when things are rough? Would she be very understanding as expected of a true friend and wife? 

Do you see her as a fair weather friend who is ready to run at the slightest hint of a problem? Does she possess those qualities that would make life with her enduring?

These are more important things than age. What if she is of the age you desire, but lacking in the qualities that would make you a happy man or give you peace when you desire it the most?

The only implication is if you go about with a banner around your neck, telling everybody that you and your woman are of same age and that you don’t feel comfortable about it. Beyond that, there is no implication whatsoever.

That theory that women age faster than men worked when women didn’t know how to care for themselves. A lot of women these days are looking years younger than their ages because they now appreciate the value of healthy living habits. Besides, that argument is faulty because you could marry a younger lady who ends up looking far older than her true age.

Seek the face of God before embarking on any relationship because he only sees the end from the beginning. 

Good luck.