She Dates Him On Assumed Love

 She Dates Him On Assumed Love

Share a problem With Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626Dear Agatha,

Dear Agatha,

I have a friend who has been having a relationship for two years. Recently, his girlfriend asked him if he truly loved her, to which he replied positively. To his surprise the girl then told him she was ready to love him back too; that all these while she had only pretended to do so.

Agatha, what do you make of this? Your advice would be highly appreciated.

Supportive Friend.

Dear Supportive Friend, 

The heart is often a house of mystery. It houses so many thoughts and often times the reasons are as ridiculous as they come. 

To ponder over such life mysteries is to try to demystify the nature of man. Man is a deep and close being, one whose true nature is only known to God. Rather than worry about her reason for what she said, be grateful she voiced out her true feelings else you and your friend would never know how she felt about him.

But before you castigate her, it is imperative you understand where she is coming from. What were her experiences like before she met your friend? What sort of relationship exits between your friend and this girl until this point? Has he always been serious with her? Giving her all the attentions and confidence she needs to be secured with him? What was the arrangement between the two of them when they started out? Did he give her the impression that he wanted her for keeps?

Many a time the attitude we put up in a relationship is dictated by the character of the person we date. If for two years this lady has been unable to give her full commitment to your friend, it means your friend was behaving in a way that kept her in doubt about his feelings towards her. 

Asking your friend for clarification was a way of knowing what her current stand is with him. She decided to give him her heart to reciprocate his feelings for her. Whatever her reasons may be, she was also trying to avoid getting hurt by a man she wasn’t sure of what his feelings for her truly are. 

What your friend should no now is to call this girl to reiterate his feelings for her and negotiate new ideals and principles for the relationship. Both of them should count the first two years as one of building the right foundation. To see these two years as wasted is to throw away the most important time of their relationship, because if nothing else, these two years afforded them the rare opportunity of discovering the worth, strength and weakness of their different natures as well as relationship. Had these two years never happened, she may not come to realise that whatever her reasons may be for not trusting him enough to give him of her whole heart before now are baseless at the end of the day. 

That she is now willing to take a chance on him and their relationship shows that a vital grey area, one which could have remained a major problem for them has been cleared. 

The talk should take a look at their past, x-ray the reasons for her decision not to love him until now as well as his own past mistakes. There is no moving forward if both parties are unwilling to be truthful and letting go of whatever issues they silently battled with in the past. Not all issues would be made known to you or apparent to both of them. Some issues in a relationship are not the loud kind, but very salient ones that end up with more destructive powers than the so-called major ones. 

It would do both of them a world of good to place all issues on the table with as much honesty as possible. 

Good luck. 

Lonely Heart

Dear Agatha,

Thanks for your wonderful advice that has really helped many. Please help me out as loneliness is closing in on me. I need a girl that I can proclaim love to. I am 23 years of age, but have not had a date for once. Each time I express my feeling to a girl she either tells ‘she has a boyfriend, not interested or not ready for that.’ I am an undergraduate, studying Medicine in one of the southern universities in the country. Without sounding immodest I am handsome, kind, honest, gentle and God fearing. It isn’t as if I am afraid to woo a lady or lack the right words to tell her, but don’t know what the problem is really. 

What do I do? Agatha, could you please help link me up with a girl in University of Port-Harcourt (UNIPORT)? I will be grateful for this. Here is my number, 07031172759. O.B