After Many Skirt Deals, Can I Ever Live To Love My Wife?

After Many Skirt Deals, Can I Ever Live To Love My Wife?

Share a problem With Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626

Dear Agatha,

I am in my early 20s and have never experienced a broken heart. I have never really had problems with ladies except the one I am about to share with you. None of my relationships have lasted more than three months because I find it difficult to be fully committed. I have also never really dated one girl at a time. I prefer double dating; I am of the belief that dating just one girl is inimical to one’s emotional peace and stability. Therefore I always have a standby as a rebound, someone to fall back on when the main girl begins to misbehave. In my opinion, this doesn’t make me a Casanova like some people would want me to think. Frankly, I treat these women well and don’t pressurise them into having sex with me like other guys. Agatha, I am planning to get married soon, but scared I might not be able to stay faithful to my wife. Please advise me on what to do.

Wilson.

Dear Wilson, 

Honesty to one’s partner doesn’t begin overnight. It is something one cultivates from the beginning. If you are having difficulties sticking to one woman now, how on earth do you intend being faithful to the woman you would marry? Because you have never bothered to imbibe the culture of faithfulness, it would be difficult if not impossible for you to remain so to your wife. Life is essentially about risk taking. That you fear a broken heart doesn’t make it right for you to double date. In these girls’ shoes how would you feel if you discover any of them to have a back up for you? Falling in love is all about risk and gamble, and so anybody who isn’t prepared to be hurt should not venture into it. The truth is that there is no venture in life that is risk-free. Your very existence as a human being in itself is a huge risk, because a lot of people out there are battling daily to ensure you don’t live to see the next day. That you have gotten away with playing these girls doesn’t make you smart or your approach a perfect antidote. Rather, you have only been lucky in the sense that you haven’t met that special woman. The day you got to meet her, you will discover that whatever structure you have adopted all these while to protect your heart from failing did not work when true love is involved. 

Rather than map your own ways, begin from now on to depend on God by being honest with yourself. Honesty begins from self-awareness. It is impossible to give what you don’t have. You are unable to trust any of these girls because you aren’t honest to yourself. You must take time out to first discover who you are and what you want from life else you will never be able to fully give of yourself to anybody. 

One of the ways to help yourself discover who you really are is to trust unconditionally. Twisted as this may sound, pain is a natural process of life. It enables us to know our capacity as human beings as well as our ability to adjust to life’s many chances and challenges. You can’t go about protecting yourself from being hurt. It isn’t natural. Reality, maturity and wisdom are about the painful choices we make from time to time. The best things in life are products of very painful choices and processes. 

There is no way you can have a woman who respects you and one you will cherish through life if you are unwilling to get your hands burnt. A heart has to be broken to be made whole again. The brokenness of a heart is what gives feeling, warmth and compassion to it. A heart untouched is prone to vanity and coldness. You either make a choice to be faithful to the woman who becomes your wife or forget about having a good marriage. You must be willing to make sacrifices to reap bountifully in any relationship. 

Good luck.