Her reassuring love needs practical action…

Dear Agatha, 

I appreciate you. There is this problem I have tried to contain within myself. I have proposed to this lady in my life but whom I discover is rather secretive with information. This constantly makes me wonder if she has something to hide. 

We have known each other since 2000 but she is in Liberia. I asked her what course she is reading in school, she didn’t say; what she is doing to fund her studies, she is also not saying anything. She was in Nigeria before she went to Liberia in 2006.

I also demanded to know what she is doing with my marriage proposal, also met a resounding sound of silence from her. I asked her to send me her recent photographs and she also didn’t respond to this request and appears reluctant to oblige me anything. 

But she keeps calling me and assuring me of her love, and how she wants to spend the rest of her life with me. She says her destiny is in my hands. But I am very worried at her reluctance to give me details of her life in Liberia.

What do I do?

BJ.

Dear BJ, 

Are you in the first place serious about your proposal to this lady? Are you sure you are in love with her at all? A man’s heart is where his treasures are. In her shoes any woman would do same. You haven’t seen the woman you want to marry since 2006, and you haven’t made any attempt to look for her?

Liberia isn’t outside the continent that you cannot save towards going to spend time with her. Even if it is, if you are truly determined to find answers to your questions, you would have long saved towards going to wherever she is to see for yourself. Even if this woman trusts you, what about her family members and friends who all would at one time or the other asked her what kind of man would leave his woman for that long and not bother to find out if all is well with her?

If she is refusing to answer all your questions concerning her well being as well as the sponsorship of her education, it is only because you have not acted like a man serious about his proposal to settle down with her.  Ideally, shouldn’t you be sending something to her, no matter how merger? You have been dating a woman for 10 years without making the effort to know her parents or some of her family members? For four years, she has been away to a foreign land, not far from where you stay you are contented with only telephone conversations? You don’t even know what she does for a living or the kind of course she is reading? 

What if she has changed from the woman you know? What if she is lying to you about being in the university or other things about her new life? For a man who wants to marry her, you haven’t even started at all or demonstrated any kind of serious commitment to her.

Your attitude certainly calls to question your understanding of what you actually want from this woman and life generally. Are you saying there has been no other woman for you in the last four years? Can you sincerely answer that question? There is no way this lady can ever trust you when you haven’t shown a thirst for her presence in your life. 

If you really want answers, go and visit her in Liberia. Make the determination to transit your relationship from its current telephone-pal status to something more realistic. Honestly, no matter your financial status, if you are really resolute about seeing her, you will in no time save enough money to pay your bills to and fro Liberia. Being a 
West African country, you don’t need a visa to visit for a few days. 

Your presence in that country would solve a lot of issues between the two of you. One, it would give you answers to your questions and also solve some of her own puzzles about you. 

As a woman, she may have taken some decisions based on your attitude, which your effort at coming to see her would help nullify. 

Relationship is like a flower: without manure, attention and care, it will die a natural death. Four years is a long time to leave a woman without showing care, concern, attention and support. You both will be guided as to what steps you should take by the time the visit is over. 

Good luck.