He demands for sex before marriage…

Dear Agatha,

I came across your page recently and became instantly hooked.

I want you to help me. There is this guy who has being coming to my office. Right from the first day I began work, he has consistently come every day, requesting for my phone number.  

After requesting for my number again and following my usual refusal, he one day wrote his number and address on a piece of paper, gave it to me and demanded I also reciprocate his gesture. Tired of his daily presence in my office, I decided to oblige him. 

Also, on that day, he called to request I come to his office and when it occurred to him I was going to turn down his invitation, he begged me to oblige him. I had to agree eventually to see him in his office. When I got there, he said he is impressed by my conduct and that he would like to date me. He begged me not to resist him any longer and pledged to take care of me. 

He said he isn’t into any intimate relationship and would make him the happiest man if I agree to his offer.  

Agatha, I am so confused because I know that men have sugarcoated tongues. Deep in my mind I have normal feelings for him. He also said he would like to make love with me. Is sex outside marriage advisable given the fact that he expressed the desire to marry me?  

I am confused about everything.  He is a barrister; will my having sex with him make him answer my questions? 

Please help me.

Flora.

Dear Flora, 

What has his being a barrister get to do with your falling in love and conducting a relationship with him? He is a lawyer by profession and a man interested in you, the two aren’t related.

And you don’t have to sleep with him to get him to answer questions you ask him about himself, your relationship or on any other thing you wish to know. If he is basing his answers on you sleeping with him first, then this man has no interest in you beyond how he can access your body. 

Therefore careful you don’t fall victim of his scheming. Ideally, marriage should come before sex and not sex before marriage. That he has promised to marry you isn’t the same thing as being married to him.

Between the time of his declaration of his intent and the wedding day proper, a lot of things can still go wrong. Until you are joined together as man and wife, don’t agree to have sex with him else you risk being a mere statistic on his personal manual of the women he has conquered. If he is truly interested in you, there is no reason he shouldn’t wait until he marries you.

Besides there is the important issue of you being very sure of the character and nature of the man you wish to spend the rest of your life with. Because a relationship is constantly undergoing a metamorphosis, you have to be very sure of what you want first from life as well as the kind of man to help you achieve it, to enable you grow the determination to drive a relationship to its full potentials.

As it stands now, this man is a total stranger to you, a figment in your mind. To grow him into a real character, you must first know him; become friends with him without the pressure of emotional entanglement. Both of you must be ready to put on hold whatever thing you feel for each other now to give it the right foundation to develop. 

To avoid falling victim of what you fear may be a sugarcoated tongue and declaration, be a good keeper of your body and dignity. Refuse to be with him in a place where you can be easily compromised. While encouraging friendship for the purpose of knowing if both of you can have a future together, be rigid on the issue of those things you won’t compromise at all.

If he wants to stay with you, let him make up his mind this early on whether he wants you or not in his life.

While confusion is a normal part of major decisions we take in life, ensure it doesn’t becloud your sense of judgement. Cultivate the habit of telling yourself the truth. It’s the only way you can put things in clear perspective and not fall victim of your weakness as a woman. Good luck.