Anal-rape makes me a gay, masturbation follows…

Dear Agatha, 

I read and appreciate the way you help people with your advice. I pray you would be able to help me too. I am a 24-year-old young man who lives in Enugu. I come from good Christian family. 

But I have this problem that keeps troubling my heart whenever I remember it. 

Some few years ago, an old guy, who lives in our neighbourhood, anally raped me. Ever since I have lived the life of a gay. In addition to having sex with matured men, I am also into masturbation for my own pleasures as well as for the pleasures of other gays like me who desires it as part of their sexual delights.

Severally, I have tried to stop this shameful practice, but find it almost impossible to do so. So please I beg you in the name of God to please advise me on how to stop it. How do I stop this devilish act, because I want to give my life to Jesus Christ? 

Val.

Dear Val, 

You have chosen the best path because only Jesus Christ has the powers to stop this habit of yours. Lean on Him tightly by praying every moment for His intervention. In giving your life to Christ, you give Him absolute authority to be in charge of your life at all times. 

No other person can do it as effectively as Jesus Christ. Anytime you have the urge to masturbate or have sex with another man, take refuge in the words of God by reading the Bible. 

Going through the Bible in your moment of sexual weakness would dull the excitement of sex long enough for your mind to move away from and into something more productive. 

For this reason, you must look for something that would engage your interest, something to divert your energy to when all those urges come. It could be an exercise programme, which you could do on your own at odd hours of the night when the senses are relaxed and looking for the pleasure of sex. 

In addition to reading the Bible, meditating on the words of God, you need to expend your energy on some physical exercises that will leave your mind free to think clearly and healthily.

This is to ensure you gradually wean yourself from this habit and position yourself properly to have a relationship with Jesus Christ. Thereafter, you need to consider moving away from familiar environment as well as this group of persons you are having these relationships with. Develop a relationship with a girl whose presence in your life would divert your mind from thinking of all the men you have slept with. 

The essence of a girlfriend is to help divert your mind from appreciating men to liking women, of coming into full relationship with women instead of men. Begin to have a dream of the future, of the kind of children you desire to have, of the type of woman to help you achieve them as well as the image you desire to have. Focus on the impression you want to leave behind in the minds of people who come into contact with you from now on. No matter how much satisfaction you get from these men, can you publicly tell the world that you are gay? Is it a habit you are proud of? 

Life is about staying in our comfort zone. Is being a gay a comfort zone, something you can’t proudly declare or allow your children ever go into?

If your answers are in the negative, it means you have as a matter of urgency to re-position yourself and life for you to be able to rid yourself of this habit. There is no point in doing something we are ashamed to declare in public, recommend boldly to people around us or take pride in even in our private moments.

Because you would need the help of someone to pray with you, help you when you are really down and all the urges come, there is the need to ask God to direct you to a church whose pastor has the special anointing to deal with this kind of issue. You need a pastor who is patient, full of wisdom as well as understanding of the mystery of life to help bring you out of this through deliverance and prayers. 

Once you are able to cure your lust for male company, you would have tackled the issue of masturbation. Although not a by-product of being a gay, the same efforts you put into coming out of being a gay is the same process that it also takes to beat masturbation. 

Good luck.