Linked on phone… stopped picking calls after my first visit

Dear Agatha,

I am a young girl of 23 years and a student of one of the Polytechnics in the East. There is this guy I met few months ago. I got his number from your column in the September 12 edition. He talked about being a virgin.  I became interested in him because I didn’t know a guy could be a virgin at the age of 25 and also a graduate. So I sent him an SMS and from there we started communicating. I love this guy so much that I call him almost everyday despite the fact that we were yet to meet physically. My love for him grew the more when I realised he resides in the East very close to where I live. We agreed on the need to meet and how. I promised to be the one to visit, he accepted. 

After the visit which I thought went successfully well, he hasn’t called me again.  Even when I call to know what the problem is, he won’t pick my calls. Even when I used another number to call him, he told me there is no problem that he is just busy. I know he is always busy, but not to the extent of not picking my calls. Did I make a mistake being the one to visit him first or are my calls disturbing him? Or does his attitude show that what he saw that day was not the kind of person he was expecting. Please help me, because I love this guy and do not want to lose him.

Shevchenko.

Dear Shevchenko,

You have gotten to that stage where you cannot afford to push harder than you have done already. You have shown your interest and willingness to begin something with him. Until he makes up his mind about you and what he wants, there is little or nothing you can do. 

Until then, manage your hurt and desires to be with him to prevent you from being hurt than you already are. To continue to push yourself into something he is apparently yet to make up his mind on is to set yourself up for a major disappointment as the days go by. 

Besides, you must allow him to get used to you, sort out his feelings for you as well make up his mind about what he wants from you. While you appear to be ahead of him in terms of your feelings towards him, he still wondering if he is doing the right thing. He could be confused about what to do especially if he hasn’t been intimate with a woman since he was born. Your coming though successful to you, may cause him some fright and cause him to think about his inexperience. Sincerely, for someone who dreadful of this lack of experience; you need to cool down a little bit in order not to suffocate him with attention or love. For now, he needs you more as a friend than anything you may have in mind. 

Friendship would help both of you define your relationship as well as give it the right foundation to stand firm. It will also enable him lose some of his inhibitions as well as relax where you are. He has to first learn to trust you and your motive in all these.

So allow him be, and be contented with playing the supportive role of a friend when he shows signs of wanting to talk to you. For now, it is his game not yours so allow him to dictate the tempo. You have given him all the encouragement for him to know you care. 

Good luck.