Dear Agatha,
I am a lady of 24 years, a student of Lagos State University, studying Banking and Finance and in my 400 level. I am in a relationship with a 30-year-old man, also a graduate of the same university.
He is an economist who is into business. We have been dating for two years. There was nothing definite about the relationship when we started but he recently asked me to marry him.
I haven’t given him an answer because I am currently confused. This has to do with what we have been through together. Severally, we got close to ending the relationship but he elected to stay on against all odds.
Sincerely this relationship wasn’t meant by either of us to be serious because we were both into other relationships. It naturally stood as a distraction for us both. I made him think my other relationship was in a bad shape while he also told me he wasn’t really in love with the lady he was engaged to. After some months, I lied I had broken up the other relationship and that he was now the only one in my life. But this backfired when I got pregnant for the other guy while he was abroad. He found out about it and was very disappointed in me.
I had to put a huge distance between the two of us to sort myself out. Surprisingly, he kept calling and checking on me. I eventually aborted the pregnancy since I couldn’t keep it. Despite this, he still found his way back to me but I didn’t believe in his love. I doubted his intentions as well as what he wanted from me.
I just didn’t bother to create the right kind of impression about him in my family. My family got away with the impression that he was only out to exploit as well as take advantage of me.
Despite all I did to discourage him, he stayed on, never taking advantage of me. He kept offering me support. He even went to the extent of advising me to stay off sex until my wedding night.
I see him almost every day in the week and most times we are always alone but he never once attempted to force me into an uncompromising situation.
Because of the impression I created of him within my family circle, I now have difficulties taking him to my parents for proper introduction and telling them of his intentions to marry me. I am scared of telling them for fear of being turned down by my parents. I really do love and appreciate him now and wouldn’t want to lose him.
I am almost through with my education. It’s a part-time programme. I will be finishing next year. I receive lectures only at weekends. He understands and he is ready to support and see me through. My fears still rest on my parents’ reactions. I don’t know how to relate it to them. Please, I need you to help me analyse this.
Worried Girl.
Dear Worried Girl,
Your major concern now should be how to finish your education. In your final year, you need all the concentration to sail through. Once you are through, you can face the issue of who to marry.
Given the delicate stage of your education, it would be more than you can handle if you have to battle your parents over accepting your boyfriend. Certain things are best left unsaid until there is enough time to properly tackle them. There is no way you can handle the reactions of your parents, as well as the attendant consequences of combining your disobeying them with your studies.
Besides, there are several ways of changing their minds without you saying anything. Even though you have made the mistake of colouring him in less than appealing shades before your parents, you still can do damage control by gradually exposing them to his character, his love for you as well as that special thing that has changed your opinion of him.
Granted they may not be too willing to accept him whole-heartedly at the initial stage, if you prepare him properly, telling him what you previously told your parents about him and how that has since changed, he would develop the necessary patience to outwit your parents’ rejection of him.
If you do your public relations well, things would eventually sort themselves out. To do this right, you need help from within the family. Enlist the support of your favorite sibling; tell him or her everything you have shared with me. This sibling will join you in marketing the qualities of your boyfriend to your family.
Over time, with the support of this sibling as well as your own efforts, your parents would begin to see another side of him. By the time you are ready to introduce him officially, they will be more than ready to accept him.
This has also taught you an important lesson in life: to be careful of what you say about people around you. Rushed impression about people you are just meeting, often turn out to be wrong. Until you are exposed to the character of a person over time, it is difficult to form a firm impression. If you hadn’t given your family a wrong impression about this man, you won’t be struggling to re-brand him now that you know he isn’t the kind of person you thought.
Furthermore, learn to pray to God as often as you can because at the end of the day, that is where your real help is. Learn to trust him implicitly.
Good luck.
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment