Is Kissing Sinful?

Dear Agatha,

I have a problem with my boyfriend. I am 16 years of age. The issue centres on kissing. I want to know if kissing is regarded as a sin.

Lilly.

Dear DOD,

Dear Lilly, 

Kissing is not sinful, but it could lead a young girl like you with little or no experience in life to commit sin or short-change yourself of the abundant blessings God has in store for you. 

As a young bloom, you are prone to attracting all kinds of male interests. Unfortunately, not all of them want you for keeps; only few would come with the intentions to marry you. 

The reason you must avoid any form of intimacy with any man for now is the simple fact that you are unsure of where your erotic zones are coupled with the fact that your erratic hormones could force you into acting before thinking. The potency of a kiss is enough to make some women do things they never meant to do. You need better control of your feelings, emotions to scale through a kiss without capitulating.

Tell your boyfriend you are not ready for the consequences of a kiss now; that if he is unwilling to wait for you, understand your fears, he should let you be. 

Over time, you will come to understand that some of the things that happen to some young girls are not pre-planned but come about as a result of situations they ignorantly went into. 

If he decides to leave as a result of your refusal to kiss him, don’t worry; someone else would come who will appreciate who you are and your principles of life. 

And if you are the one wishing for it, bring into your mind’s eye the shame of unwanted pregnancy which could happen from what you think is a seemingly harmless thing like kiss.

By staying close to God, He will give you the strength to fight off this natural desire we all have to battle with once we enter into puberty. 

Good luck. 

Her Pastor Creates Roadblocks To Our Union

  Dear Agatha, 

Please I need your advice concerning a girl I met while in Lagos before I travelled out of the country to China

Though we were not on speaking terms then but we later got round that problem. From the time we became communicative, I made myself and my intentions very clear to her, that I like, love and will like to marry her if she agrees. She agreed but submitted to the will of God. I also promised to keep praying about it.
I am a Catholic while she’s Pentecostal. To my surprise, I called her one day and she started telling me that she can’t abandon her church for the Catholic Church.

I was confused and tried to persuade her to set aside whatever misgivings she may have against the church since it was me she would be getting married to and not the church. She still did not agree. Now the story has changed from not wanting to marry into the Catholic Church to her having a dream and her pastor telling her that she was about to make a mistake in marriage. 

According to her, she is confused. Not wanting to appear judgmental against her pastor whose influence over her is overwhelming, I want you to help both of you understand how to handle this complex situation.  

Very Confused Guy.

Dear Confused Guy, 

There is no way you can convince someone who completely lacks a will or his or her own; who depends on someone to make his or her decisions for her. 

Granted the role of our spiritual heads is to point us at the right direction, God still gave us a free access into His presence to verify issues we don’t understand. 

If she is giving the excuse of your church and what her pastor said, then she isn’t ready to settle down with you. 

Her confusion isn’t from any of these, but from fear of whether you are serious about marrying her or not especially as both of you aren’t together. 

This kind of matter requires more than telephone conversation to resolve. She needs more than the assurances given her through the phone that you care.

If you can, you might have to come to the country to talk about all the grey areas of your relationship. For instance, where is she going to stay? If here, when are you planning on bringing her live with you in your host country? One thing is to be in love, another thing is to have the kind of attitude to interpret the love to care, friendship and understanding. 

Distance makes it impossible for both of you to have the right kind of bonding necessary for couples intending to spend the rest of their lives together. No matter how much you spend on telephone calls, they aren’t as warm and assuring as seeing you from time to time. The church and what her pastor said are just excuses which firm commitment from you would completely eradicate.

Not every woman is perceptive enough to know that there is more to marriage than a wedding ceremony. What you have promised her is a wedding ceremony, not a marriage. You must find a way of communicating your need of her in your life. 

And if true, the pastor warned her of impending danger ahead, make her understand that there is nothing God cannot do if both of you are united by faith and love to pray together. 

As for the different churches you each attend, this ideally should not be a problem if God is the basis of the church. Jesus Christ remains the head of His church.  

Go into a very frank discussion with her pending the time you can come down to see her. This includes letting her know your plans for yourself as well as the one you have for her.

However, there is also the need for you to also pray; to hear from God if she is actually your missing rib because it is only if she is the right woman for you that you can find peace in your relationship.

Good luck.