She Blackmails Me To Do DNA For My Boy…

Dear Agatha,

I thank God that gave you the wisdom to daily tackle people’s problems.  I pray, the same God is always on hand to tackle your problems too. 

I once wrote to you as a ‘Worried Man’ for advice, and solution to the problem I had then concerning my I6-year son, whose mother initially denied my paternity of the child.

I took all you advised, applied them, and I want to tell you that the child is now in my family though currently staying with my mother to cool the nerves of my dear- wife. I want to say. I am now a happy man.

The new worry is my wife, who insists we do a DNA test for the boy. Despite his uncanny semblance to my mother and me, my wife insists it is not good enough proof that the boy is really mine. 

Agatha, the boy is my replica physically and in mannerism. Can we go for the test just to satisfy her again? Personally I have objection to it because I know without doubt that the boy is mine. I don’t need a DNA test to tell me he is mine.

But my wife is saying if I refuse to accede to her demand she would continue to scandalise the child and I. Though she has not disputed the semblance of the child to my mother and me. It is like blackmailing me to accept her position, something I detest.

Agatha, how reliable is DNA test? I am told that it can be doctored. Is it true? And can I get the result the same day? 

M.

Dear M.

I am glad to know you have reconciled with your son, which is why this demand by your wife has to be handled with the utmost care. If poorly handled, it could ruin whatever chance you have of establishing an enduring relationship with this young man, who though part of you but has lived without your love, support and attention for 16 years. This young man is at a vulnerable age where his emotions, feelings and treatment of him has to be handled with the utmost care in other not to implant greater injury than the one he has had to deal with before now. 

Any suggestion that despite his willingness to accept you into his life as his father, you are still in doubt about his paternity in whatever form, may lead to a chain of reactions including rejecting you as his father. Your responsibility is to protect him from whatever pressures or manipulations from within and outside the family.

Since you harbour no doubt and your family, including your mother all agree that this child is yours, a product of your loins and the first proof of your claim to manhood, why is your wile bend on stirring the hornet’s nest? What does she hope to achieve by her demand? If you don’t have problems accepting the child as yours, why should she?

You as the head of the home has to fashion a way of blending the interests of these two people without offering one as the sacrificial lamb. If she loves you, she should accept this boy as hers and water him with love, because he still feels like a stranger, an outsider in your home. He needs all the love to integrate properly into his new family. 

No matter what she feels, she should rise above selfish feelings and embrace this boy as a member of the family. She stands to harvest from her labour of love later in life.

But if she insists, DNA tests cannot be concluded in a day. Result is not immediate. Ideally, it should be the final proof, but instances have shown that it isn’t especially where there are interests to protect and project. 

Continue to commit your home to God. You need patience and wisdom to navigate this slippery path. 

Good luck.