My Lover Loves My Friend

Dear Agatha, 

I’m having serious problems with my girlfriend and one of my friends who behind me approached my girlfriend for a relationship. 

I gathered he did not only just approach her but did it with tears in his eyes. 

This doesn’t hurt me as much as what some of my friends are doing to confuse her. Some of them have gone to her to say negative things about me.

In fairness to her, she told me everything that transpired between this friend of mine and her as well as what the others said about me.

I felt so bad that I asked her if she reciprocates my friend’s feelings for her. To my further hurt, she told me she loves this friend of mine than she does me. 

How do you suggest I handle this matter? 

Segzy_peter007

Dear Segzy_Peter007,

The only thing you can do about it is to give this girl the freedom to pursue the choice she has made.

There is no way you can hold her down to the relationship with you. To do that is to expose yourself to hurt and needless emotional pains. She has made the choice she thinks is best for her. Learn to respect her desires and move on with your life. What happened between you, your friends and her is a blessing in disguise if only you are willing to move away from your present hurt zone to perception precinct. This episode clearly shows you have no friend or girlfriend in these people.

If they were true friends, no matter what your faults are, these friends would have rallied round you to support your relationship with her and not go behind you to woo her or assassinate your character. True friends don’t behave like that.

Also the fact that she exhibited little faith in you as well as trust in your relationship gives emphasis to the shaky foundation you both premised the relationship on. 

If the foundations were right, no matter how real the lies are or crystal clear the evidences against you are, she would have given you her trust as well as chance to defend yourself against the allegations being levelled against you by these friends. 

Also, she would have questioned their motive of telling you things that ideally should be between friends. The truth is either you both lack the maturity and wisdom to manage a relationship or a clear idea of what a relationship entails. 

If you are wise, use this opportunity provided you by this incident to re-appraise your focus in life. To have a successful relationship, you must have an initial idea of what would work for you in particular. Relationship, though universal in nature must be patented to enable a couple tap into the blessings, peace and happiness that come with it. 

To get to that point of trust and tolerance, you must have a clear picture of your goal in life and the kind of woman that will help you achieve it. It is only when you have this at the back of your mind that you will be able to have an idea of the kind of qualities you need in any woman. With this awareness comes the knowledge of the right woman to help you achieve your dreams in life. If you do it right and are honest with it, you will discover what a woman looks like is not as important as whom she really is. It is what a person is that makes the difference in a relationship. 

You are having this problem because you lack the right kind of vision for a successful relationship.

Don’t worry when you find the right kind of woman, one who shares your interest, is willingly to endure your kind of nature and is ready to help you get nearer to your self set goals, no friend will be able to take her away from you. The friend that took away this girl studied her nature well, knew she is the kind of woman to listen to such gossips before moving in on her. 

If you are really close to God, you will grow the understanding to know that He never makes a mistake with our lives and that when things like these happen, even though painful, we should always learn to give Him all the glory and trust in His judgment. 

When the right woman comes, you will be full of gratitude to God for allowing this disappointment to happen. 

But beyond the issue of your girlfriend, lies the issue of your friends. Be warned that like a man/ woman relationship, every relationship must be subject to rules, trust and vision. Friends can make or unmake hence the need for anyone to be careful in arriving at the decision of who you want in your space or not. 

Had you paid more attention to selecting your friends, none of them would have betrayed you unless of course you have not been a good friend to them. Yes, one of them can but for all of them to gang up against you, check yourself for answers. Like I said, it is either you are choosing the wrong kind of persons as friends or you don’t know how to be a good friend yourself.

Good luck.