My Ex Returns With Pregnancy

Dear Agatha,

After three years of us breaking up and going our different ways, my ex girlfriend and I ran into each other around June last year. I was just coming out of the relationship I went into when I broke up with her. She too was between boyfriends. One thing led to another and we made up with each other again. Around October, she suddenly left without telling me anything. I tried getting in touch with her but her phones weren’t going through.

After a while, I gave up on her and decided to move on with my life with the girl I broke up with who had also come to beg me.

Now, my former girlfriend is back with an almost eight months old pregnancy claiming I am responsible. She said she left when she wanted to terminate the pregnancy, but nothing she did worked.

She now decided to stay back with her maternal aunty who accepted to look after her and the pregnancy. She said she came to inform me of her state not because she wanted me to do anything I didn’t want to do but that it is fair for me to know I have a child somewhere.

To be frank, she is one woman that I have come to love dearly. I caused the problem the first time in our relationship. I was never sufficient with one woman, but now age is no longer on my side.

My current relationship is one I never intended to last this long. I stayed with her because I actually thought something good would come out of it but as each goes by, I am getting more convinced that she isn’t the one I want to spend the rest of my life with.

But the thing is, how do I convince my former girlfriend that I am sorry and want her in my life? How do I tell her my life isn’t worth anything without her?

When I tried to explain to her the need for her to come back to me, she refused saying she can’t cope with my kind of person; that other women will never allow her to fully enjoy me as her husband. She said it was one of the reasons she tried to abort the pregnancy and keep away from me. Unknown to me, my present girlfriend had sent her a text message warning her to stay off me.

Agatha, please tell me how to win her back, convince her that I mean well and that with or without this baby she is the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with.

Tobias.

 

Dear Tobias,

There is no doubting the fact that from the way she has behaved so far, she is also in love with you, but very afraid of coming back to you given her past experiences with you.

You will also agree with me that there is no way she can decide whether to come back to you or not. The matter has gone out of her hands, given the sympathy and support her family, her aunty especially has demonstrated so far.

To come back to you without getting things properly sorted out will be putting the cart before the horse. Once bitten they say twice shy. There is no way she will ever take you seriously if you still have another woman who is busy sending warning texts to her to stay off you. To have her back in your life and give her all the assurances she needs now in her condition and thereafter, you must end your current relationship immediately. Seeing there is no other woman in your life who will give her some level of confidence to begin to think of you as more than a father of her unborn baby.

There is no way she can take you seriously while the other girl is around you especially going by your past history. She has told you the reason she isn’t overjoyed at coming back to you; fear of other women as well as the required peace to enjoy her man. 

What she actually needs from you is assurance that you will care and love her as well as have the benefit of your undivided attention.

Take the initiative of going to her aunty to meet with her, own up to the paternity of the unborn baby, thank her for her trust in her niece as well as the understanding she has shown since your girlfriend got pregnant.

Ensure you are a regular visitor to her aunty. When going, get someone, perhaps your mother to follow you to meet with her aunty.  Between them, they would eventually be able to convince her to come back to you.

It is also imperative you find a way of letting her know that you still would have wanted her for keeps even without the baby; that her being pregnant is just an added bonus. She has to know that more than anything else, she means so much to you.

Sincerely, a lot would depend on how well you are able to communicate the depth of your love to her through care and devotion.

Good luck.