Dear Agatha,
I live in England and have this Igbo friend who shares my apartment. My husband resides in the United States and asked I get someone to stay in the house with me, so I won’t be bored since life here can be very lonely.
This guy has been in my apartment for six months and we have never had a problem for once.
However, one day my 15 months old baby came to him crying, desiring he carried her, rather than pick up the crying baby he ignored her. After some minutes, he turned to address the baby; accusing the baby of snoring like her father. I was taken aback by this comments and instantly registered my displeasure with his comments to my daughter whom I pointed out knows nothing. He said it was a joke. I told him never to make such jokes again.
Agatha, if I expected him to stop after my protests I was wrong. As a matter of fact, that began another pattern in our relationship. Anytime my baby cried, it is either he calls her an embarrassment, ugly like the father or something in line with that. For months I tried to pretend I didn’t notice the things he was saying just to have peace in the house. However on Palm Sunday, I came back from church tired and with the baby in need for another feed. As I was about to feed her, this guy came into the house and my baby ran to him only for him to say to the baby that she cries too much, as is as ugly as the father. I snapped with all the bottled up emotions in me; I made him realize that my husband was better than him any day. He replied me too that he was finer than my husband and that he wasn’t even talking to me, but my baby.
His response and attitude was more than I could tolerate so we went into hot exchange of words. It got so bad; he threatened to slap me. I was too angry to care, so I dared him to.
After everything, I decided to apologise being the holy week. I wanted to celebrate Easter with an open mind. When I tendered my apologies to him, he said he was only joking. I told him I didn’t like that kind of joke. He went to say that rather than apologise to my daughter and I, he would rather move out of the house.
Agatha, I have always treated this guy like my own brother, feeding him with my money, using my husband’s name to get him a job since he doesn’t have official papers. I feel bad about his behaviour. When I told my husband what happened, he pleaded with me to forgive him but I don’t ever want to talk to him again. He would be moving out at the end of this month.
He now tells people that I am too hard, that he has stayed with women before but my own is different that I don’t just give chances at all. So tell me if I should answer him or ignore him? And where I went wrong?
Taylor.
Dear Taylor,
Life is potpourri of the good, the bad and ugly. That you feed and give him your husband’s connection obviously doesn’t hold water for this man.
In the first place, it was a bit of a risk for you to take someone you didn’t know very well into your home and someone of opposite sex from you. Being careful has nothing to do with the amount of trust your husband has in you but that of your image and safety. A person that can openly antagonize your baby and husband is capable of doing and saying anything about you.
His resentment towards your husband and baby didn’t start when he began to voice them out. It must have started long before he erupted. You just didn’t see the signs early enough. It took his outburst to make you see it.
From everything he has done to all the things you claimed he said to your baby, there appears to be a resentment against your husband which if not intelligently managed by you could lead to more troubles in your home especially as his agenda isn’t clear to you.
Though you appear to have the trust of your husband now, it might not be easy to convince him that you are innocent if this guy decides to blackmail you by accusing you of something that didn’t happen between the two of you.
Even if he eventually changes his mind about leaving, please don’t make the mistake of keeping him in your home. Let him go and say whatever pleases him to people about you. Don’t be bothered about what he says or doesn’t say. Gossips and backbiting have always been part of human existence. So don’t allow this worry you or make you change your mind about him leaving your home.
Some relationships strive best when kept at a distant. This doesn’t mean you haven’t forgiven him or that you habour any grudge in your heart against him but just application of wisdom in dealings with him.
There is also the need for you to protect your baby from the likelihood of physical abuse. Using such strong words on a child is wrong and could cause that child to have a psychological problem in the future once she begins to understand the meaning of the words being used on her. Telling a child that he or she is as ugly as the father isn’t a nice thing to say to any child. It could cause the child to grow up with an inferiority complex and being a girl could make her hate herself as well as develop some bitter feelings against the father whose look she inherited.
No matter the problem he might be having with you, using such language on your baby presents him as insensitive, callous and selfish.
Sincerely, it would do you a world of good to keep your distance from this man as well as keep your baby away from him especially between now and the time he leaves your home at the end of the month.
One thing you should also be careful of and which you must never do is give your husband’s documents to another person to use. With those documents he could do something sinister to your husband especially as he seemed to have developed some kind of inexplicable hatred for him.
It might be in your interest as well as that of your husband to seek the opinion of your lawyer on the papers you gave him to work. Allow your lawyer to guide you on the steps to take to protect your husband from the wrong use of that paper. But first tell your husband what you did with his papers as well as the suggestion you see a lawyer to protect his interest in case this man decides to be mischievous.
The lesson for you in all these is to be careful whom you share your space and time with. Always ask for the leading of God before you do anything to prevent regrettable and avoidable situations.
Good luck.
Pains In My Testicles: Can Masturbation Be Of Any Help?
Dear Agatha,
Thanks for previously helping me out of my masturbation problem.
About two weeks ago, I noticed severe pain in my testicles making sex a no go area for me.
However, I notice that when I masturbate the pain reduces.
Please help me and urgently too since I don’t want to go back to my vomit.
A Friend.
Dear A Friend,
Go and see a doctor as soon as possible. Pains in the testicles could be an undertone for a more serious medical problem. The testicle is very important to the man because where sperms are manufactured, and any damage to it could lead to your being sterile. If you continue to ignore it, using the act of masturbation as a cure, you risk doing more damage to a situation, which a minor treatment now can reverse.
The fact that masturbation is giving you some relief shows that there is blockage somewhere and only a doctor can tell what your medical situation really is.
When it comes to cases bothering on one’s reproductive health, ensure you don’t patronize quacks, go to a very good hospital or any of the government hospitals nearest to you.
It is important you don’t delay what could just be a routine check for now.
Good luck.
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