What Can I Do To Win Him Forever?

Dear Agatha, 

I really appreciate the way you solve problems. I am a civil servant in Akwa Ibom State. The man I am dating is also a civil servant. We have been together for sometime now and hoping to get married some day. Although he hasn’t mentioned anything to that effect, but I keep hoping he would ask me to marry him. 

However something happened recently that is giving me cause for concern. I went to his place that night to visit when a text message came into my phone from a man I knew before I met him. Because he was with my phone, he opened the text message to read it. Unfortunately, this man and I had since gone our separate ways following a misunderstanding we had. Besides, I wasn’t so much in love with him. 

In the text, he was apologising and declaring his love for me. 

He became very angry with me after reading the text message and refused to speak with me throughout the night. He also transferred the text message to his home for him to show his parents and friends. 

On Valentine’s Day, I went with some gifts I bought for him to his house, hoping his anger would have abated, but I still met him very angry. Though he collected the items from me, he still wasn’t ready to talk to me and still isn’t talking to me. He is also refusing to call me on phone.

Agatha, I love him very much and would want to marry him, but given the present situation, I don’t know what to do. I need your advice.

Christy.

Dear Christy, 

Precisely when did you and this man stop dating and for how long have you been with your current boyfriend?

The issue with him might not be the text message, but the impression created by the content of the message. Anyone would think you and this man are still dating, and that the issue between both of you is very recent. 

The content of the text didn’t suggest that you have left him for long. This is what you must explain to this man. That a man you claimed to have left long ago sent a message to you, saying you should forgive him that he still loves you, would make anyone wonder at the hint of freshness the message conveys.

This is the issue you must clarify immediately. The contents of the message calls to question your integrity as a woman, dents whatever trust he has in you and until you convince him of your innocence and trust-worthiness, he may not trust you enough to want to have anything to do with you. 

Another issue the text message threw up, which you must quickly address, is that of his place in your life. You must urgently assure him of your unconditional love, letting him know that your relationship with him isn’t a rebound. That the other man’s misbehaviour has nothing to do with the feelings you have for him. That you are with him on account of respect and love you have for him. Because of the way the text message came, he may be under the impression that you are with him on account of the way the other man treated you. By assuring him that he means a lot to you, and that your decision to enter into a relationship with him isn’t because the other man treated you badly, would go along way in also salvaging the situation between the two of you. 

Since he is refusing to talk to you, look for a mutual friend, one he respects, to accompany you to go and plead with him for a listening ear. The important thing now is for him to give you the chance to explain what truly happened. 

However, before you go all out to beg for understanding, it is essential you know what you really want from life. Is this man your dream man? Do you see yourself happy with him for the rest of your life? Are you with him because you are desperate to marry? What about the other man? What do you really feel for him? When issue like this happens, it is imperative, you understudy yourself with a view of taking an honest decision concerning which of these men is capable of making a good husband. Often times, God works in ways we don’t understand and appreciate. So go to Him and ask through prayers first to know the right thing to do.

By studying the two men with the honesty it deserves, you will be able to make the right choice. The bottom line is for you to be very honest with your feelings, dealings and choice. 

Good luck.