A-Z Secrets Of Successful Inter-racial Wedlock, Please

Dear Agatha,

The heartfelt prayers of your readers are that the lords will continue to strengthen you in all your endeavours.

Agatha, my question is “what is the best way to make inter-racial marriage work?” considering the kind of society we have, especially in the case of the man being a Nigerian and the woman, a foreigner, who has to come and live in the country.  

Worried Man.

Dear Worried Man, 

By being very forthright with the person you intend to marry. Because there will definitely be a clash of two cultures. The best thing to do is to thoroughly school the woman especially in the ways of your people. Let her know what is sensitive to your people, that important thing they will not compromise as well as those things they and your society expect of their wives. She has to be taught the traditional way of greeting one’s in-laws in your place, knowing the right words to use is always a bonus any day. You also have to teach her how to make your native cuisine. You don’t have to teach her everything but knowing one or two important ones will help put her at an advantage and make it easy for her to integrate.  Explain to her that while you don’t find anything wrong in the diet you have both adopted as your own, it is however important that she also learns to cook to please the extended family when they decide to visit. On this score, let her know that in Nigeria, the extended family system is one we support and cherish. Don’t pretend that you will continue to support her foreign ways because it won’t be possible with you living in Nigeria. Giving her the impression she would always have her ways is the best way to destroy your marriage. But by preparing her for the worst scenario, she is able to endure as well as deal with whatever challenges that come her way. 

Often, the problem with inter-racial marriages come from the man’s refusal to fully explain the way of life of his people (custom and tradition) to his would-be wife, forgetting that whatever it is the man is trying to hide will become manifest to the foreign wife as the days go by. By the time the woman realises that her man was stingy with the truth, the anger of deceit as well as attendant frustration would make explanations impossible for her to accept. But when she is told everything before she leaves certainty for uncertainty, it makes the adjustment easier for her to cope and deal with. 

Don’t also forget that even in marriages between two persons who are from the same place go through problem of adjustments, disagreement as well as accommodation of each other’s weakness. Once you both have the understanding as well as appreciation of each other’s weaknesses and strengths, it will work. In addition, you must learn to be very supportive of her efforts as well as protection from your people who may want to take advantage of her person or naivety to cause her stress. 

Knowing that you are always there for her even when she makes mistakes will encourage her to do more for your sake. This is where your own understanding of her culture comes to play. While she is expected to adapt to yours, you must never forget that she also grew up with a different kind of orientation, one she will never completely forget. Hence, you must, at all times, appreciate that little efforts that make everything whole in your relationship. 

Good luck.  

Re: Before Wanting Of Girl-child Breaks My Home

I read the above piece, and thought I could contribute a little. 

First, you were right with your response. But then, the writer had probably heard that severally. He asked a legitimate question. And I believe it will help if he knows the answer.  To start with, it is important to know that the egg cell released by a woman at ovulation can only contain an X chromosome. The semen, on the other hand, contains both an X chromosome, slower but lives longer, and a Y chromosome, which travels faster but dies early. So, intercourse three days prior to ovulation will most likely leave behind an X chromosome in the semen to fertilize the X chromosome from the woman. The result is a female.  This is because the Y chromosome may have died earlier. Ok? 

On the contrary, if the intercourse occurs after ovulation, that gives room for the faster chromosome from the man to fertilize the X chromosome from the woman. My bet is on the Y chromosome.  That will lead to male child.  However the main problem is to know when ovulation takes place. That is another discussion entirely. As a general rule, it is around 14 days to the end of the menstrual cycle.   This is my contribution. But then, I must say that God’s decision is final. And we just have learnt to love whatever we are given equally. By Dr. Mohammed, U.F.

Comprehensive Health Centre, Erijiyan-Ekiti, Ekiti State.

08022520296

Dear Dr. Mohammed,

Thanks for helping us to address this very important issue that is affecting most families. God bless you. Agatha.