She Goes Wild For Declaring My Love For Another Girl

Dear Agatha,

Thanks for the many solutions you have been providing to problems facing people. I have a problem that needs your advice. There is this female friend of mine. We have been friends since our school days. I am a year older than her. We are so fond of each other that my roommate actually refers to her as my girlfriend despite the fact that we never once dated.

However, a twist was introduced to our relationship and it became so ugly that I could hardly recognise the friend I have had for years when I found a lady I felt something very special for.

Being my very good friend, I didn’t think anything of hiding my news from her, but to my biggest surprise she practically changed from such a loving person to this monster right before me.

Because we have had a good relationship as friends, I still want her as a friend in my life. It would be so sad to let go of such wonderful friendship on account of my going into a relationship.

So, how do you advise me on this?

Cool Cat.

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Dear Cool Cat,

There is nothing you can do now when the iron is still too hot to handle. The adage that “one should strike the iron when it is at its hottest” doesn’t apply to a troubled friendship or relationship. The best thing to do at this point in time is to walk away for time to heal whatever wounds your announcement to go into a relationship may have caused her.

It is obvious you didn’t read the relationship correctly. Along the line love came into the picture for her. While you assumed you were only friends, she wanted something more and had hoped you will eventually come round to her way of thinking. You could be the reason she didn’t have a boyfriend, because she has invested in the two of you making something out of your friendship.

If this is the case, don’t expect her to be enthusiastic about your new relationship. She naturally feels betrayed that after all these years, you are leaving her to find warmth with another woman. Something she too has for long offered you on a platter of gold.

Understandably, her hurt is deep and would take time to heal, because right now she feels ridiculed by your decision to leave her and go with another woman.

For now, it would be impossible to continue with her as before. She needs time to recollect her emotions, re-invest herself in another relationship since it is obvious she has lost out on any hope of you two up-grading your friendship to relationship.

Perhaps, overtime she would come to appreciate the way things turned out between the two of you. But until then move on with your life. And in your interest ensure you tell your present girlfriend everything about your friendship with her, to prevent mischief from coming to play later in life.

Good luck.