Dear Agatha,
You have to help me on this. I am in love with my fiancé, as a matter of fact he has proposed and I have accepted, but there is something happening to me, which I haven’t figured out yet.
I fell in love with my boss without his knowledge. The feeling is three years old.
My new boss is actually the friend of my former boss. He asked me to come and work for him after my former boss travelled out of the country.
My feelings for him hasn’t changed one bit despite the fact that he doesn’t come often to the office. Whenever he comes in, I immediately begin to fantasize about him. Honestly, I didn’t think it was something to worry about until the incident I am about to relay to you happened.
On this particular day he came to the office and as usual, I fantasized about him. That night I decided to spend it with my fiancé and to my shock when he was making love to me, I began to imagine him to be my boss. Naturally, I couldn’t tell my fiancé about my line of thoughts.
Agatha, I know this may sound absurd, but I am in love with both my fiancé and boss. And no mater how hard I try to get the feelings I have for my boss behind me it keep coming back to me. I know I love my boss, but I haven't summoned courage to tell him as he may think me cheap. Please help me; it is really tearing me apart.
Ngozi.
Dear Ngozi,
Isn’t this boss of yours married? If he were, what would you achieve by telling him about your feelings? It won’t serve any purpose at all, but only serve to destroy your own relationship with your fiancé.
Telling him would have made sense if he were single and available to return or consider your love. In that case you would be sure you don’t live in regrets later in life. Only men who aren’t men enough, who lack maturity, think a woman who expresses her love for them first is cheap. As a matter of fact men who are matured in thinking end up appreciating such kind of women forever, because it takes guts for a woman to expose herself to the possible rejection of a man.
If he is married, the best thing for you is to leave his employment to prevent the greater calamity of destroying your own relationship. With what you are feeling, it is only a matter of time you call out his name when you are with your man. It would be difficult at that point for you to deny any relationship with him because the guilt of what you feel for him would make denial on your part difficult to plead.
Leaving him would put huge distance between the two of you and help you concentrate on forgetting him. You need to help yourself forget him if you really want to make something out of your relationship and eventually marriage to your fiancé.
There is no way you can love two persons equally. If for three years, you have carried the touch of secret love for your boss, it is important you investigate the qualities he has that have kept you spell bound for this long. At this point it is imperative you do some comparison between your fiancé and boss. The essence is to help you see clearly the qualities one has that the other doesn’t, especially those of your boss. The result would assist you know how to help your man achieve some of those qualities that seem so important to you.
Because you want to marry this man, it is of utmost importance you do everything within your power to make him priority in your life to prevent emotional frustration, disappointment, tendency to stray as well as disrespect for your husband and home. The worst kind of thing that can happen to either a man or woman is to marry someone he or she isn’t in love with. The tendency is for the one not in complete love to misbehave and disrespectful. Being in love with a person, means selflessness, sacrifices, patience, and endurance, no matter the situation that arises in the relationship.
And if your love for your boss is that kind that touches your spirit person, it would be advisable for you to put some distance between you and your fiancé because to go ahead with him when you feel so strongly for another man would make it impossible for you to give him the best of yourself. Because thoughts are like waves of water, until they are ready to settle, they will keep popping when least expected.
The time out will make it possible for you to really articulate your feelings for your man as well as pinpoint the real reason you think you are in love with him. If he is making love to you and you are thinking of another man, it means your feelings for him isn’t as deep as you think and until you subject it to laboratory analysis in your mind’s eyes, you would never know if it can stand the test of time.
Don’t worry about what could happen if you do this because every relationship must go through a dry period to test its durability and ability to bounce back after the storm.
If at the end of it all, you lack a strong conviction that your feelings for your fiancé is strong enough, it would be in your interest not to gamble with your happiness later in life and take the risk of waiting for that man whose aura has enough strength to make you forget whatever you feel for your boss.
It is at this point you need the presence of Holy Spirit to help you stay focused.
Good luck.
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