He Wants Wife, I’m Thinking Of Further Study

Dear Agatha,

I really appreciate the way God has been using you to solve people’s problem. I have a little problem that I would want you to help tackle. I am into a relationship that, by the special grace of God, would see both of us marrying each other.

He has actually asked me to marry him next year. The problem now is that I don’t want to get married next year. I have told him to let the matter rest for now, but he is adamant. I have tried persuading him to allow me get to three hundred levels first, but kept pleading with me to see reason with him.

Doubtless, we are seriously in love with each other, but I am yet to gain admission into any university, though I hope to very soon.

He has assured me he would take care of my education. What do I do? Should I accept his proposal for the marriage next year? My mind is not matured for marriage now. I am just 20 years old.

Worried Girl.

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Dear Worried Girl,

It is a complex situation, one that requires wisdom to deal with. The first place to begin is your heart. What do you understand by love and the attendant sacrifices that come with it?

Love means learning to live in the mind of another person, making sacrifices and compromises. If both of you are serious about spending the rest of your lives together, you have to learn to discuss thorny issues like this and come up with a middle road approach.

Why does he want to marry you next year? What are the major challenges he is facing? Are you both abstaining from sex? How old is he and what social or emotional pressure is he facing to warrant this desire?

Can you identify with any of the issues he is giving as reasons for wanting to marry you? Do you suspect his motive for wanting you to be his wife now? Do you think his reasons are selfish, unfair, and insensitive? Or has it to do with lack of trust?

These are issues you have to honestly find answers to. Nobody can make the decision for you since it concerns your entire life.

Rather than dismiss his suggestions out rightly, listen again to him. Why is he insisting? Ask him all over again to enable you do a thorough research into your mind’s eyes, to help you know how getting married now would affect your dream, plans and focus.

It is also important you know if he is the right man for you and vice versa. Both of you especially him must know what he is getting into, because there is more to marriage than two people living together. Has he the temperament, wherewithal as well as the attitude to stay with a woman? How would three years affect your feelings for him or his for you?

Marriage isn’t something one rushes into unless he or she is very sure to avoid its ugly side. The consequences of a hasty decision to marry are best avoided hence better to wait until one is absolutely sure.

If lack of maturity is what you are playing up, you have a valid point but one he would understand better if you first listen, reason and agree to compromises. You have to earn each other’s trust to be able to move this relationship beyond this point of confusion.

Don’t wait for him to bring up the matter again. After thinking out your reasons as well as your options, go to him with a middle ground thing. If he is insisting, it should be next year and you want it in three years time, agreeing on two years is a fair deal if both of you really want to spend your lives together.

Let him be convinced by your actions that you are as interested in him as he is in you. Only pleading for time will really make you ready for him. Insisting on your ways would only re-enforce the reasons for wanting marriage so soon.

You have to give him every reason to trust you especially if he is the one to sponsor your education. Sincerely, flowing from the bad experiences of other men who were dumped by women they sponsored through school, he may be having doubts about you, but one an honest approach on your part can erase. Don’t forget he is the one with the most to lose, not you. For most people, maturity comes with dedication and fairness at all times.

Go to God in prayers for clearer answers.

Good luck.