Dear Agatha,
I am 24 years old. I am confused or should I say scared? Maybe it has to do with my upbringing or the fact that I was brought up by women of different age groups, who instilled in me tough moral values. I don’t mean to brag but I am very calmed, sincere and not addicted to any intoxications. I am not a Casanova who believes in a must sex in relationships.
Maybe because of this, I have been heartbroken five times. Because of this I have decided to be alone. But I have gone and fallen in love with this girl who cares greatly about me, but those who broke my heart are coming back to reclaim what they rejected, they call, visit, begging for pardon, saying now they have realised my qualities and how much they miss me.
For almost a month now I can’t concentrate, I have been in hiding and switched off my phone. Even my girl doesn’t know of my whereabouts. I don't want them but these women are so persistent. I love this girl with all my heart and would never hurt her. I would rather slit myself, than to hurt her.
What do you suggest I do? I am afraid because these girls are spoilt kids, used to getting what they want. I don't want my girlfriend to feel I am cheating on her. But why are these girls trying to spoil my joy? Should I tell my girlfriend about these other girls?
Okwy.
Dear Okwy,
The only problem I see here is your inability to take a firm decision. If you say these girls are in your past and that you have a girlfriend who is nothing like any of these girls that broke your heart, why are you giving them audience, hiding like a coward from them?
At 24, you are not exactly too young to face this challenge squarely. The first thing you ought to have done was to have told your girlfriend all about your past. Despite this, it is not too late to start now. Please do so immediately before she finds out from any of these girls or people close to you. By then she will not only be hurt but also be very unreceptive to any excuse you may come up with. Being very honest and display some those moral values you claimed to have been taught is the only way you can prevent her from being hurt as well as having a faultless relationship with you.
Sincerely, you have not displayed the expected will of someone who is in love and does not want to hurt his partner. What you don't know is that by hiding from them you are empowering them to further harass and push you into making a mistake in your current relationship. You leave yourself very vulnerable to them. Get out of your slumber and tell these girls that they have lost their chances, and that you have someone who loves you as much as you love her and would not want to hurt her. Learn to parade your relationship with this new girl to send the signal that you are no longer free to love anyone else. If you don't give them room to interfere in your life, there is no way they would have the right of entry to have their way in your life. If you were firm and resolute not to have anything to do with them, they would back off.
So, the next time any of them calls, accept their call and make it clear that you are no longer interested in them. Tell them you would appreciate if they don’t bother you again with demands to renew your relationship with them. Tell them you appreciate their call but expect them to respect your privacy. However, don't assume these girls were all wrong. Look at yourself in a way you have never bothered to, because somewhere deep down, no matter how good we think we are, we all have one or more deficiencies, sometimes too much for those around us to tolerate. Therefore it would be absolutely wrong to think you are the victim in all these botched relationships.
Your major problem could be arrogance, which a lot of girls find very irritating and presumptuous. From the tone of your letter, I detect a measure of this arrogance, which not many young girls have the temperament to tolerate. This is an area you should work on to avoid a situation where even the woman you love the most would simply walk out on you. It is important you realise relationships are about compromises.
It should be noted that not all relationships should end on a bitter note. There are quite a number of ex partners who have remained good and beneficial friends after deciding to go their separate ways.Learn to go to God in prayers for a more rewarding relationship.
Good luck.
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