Dear Agatha,
God will bless you for the kind advice given to people via your column to save many souls.
There is this guy who was desperate to marry me, who demanded for introductions urgently.
Because I wasn’t really too sure about him, I declined to get him introduced to my parents especially when I sensed he was only using it as a bait to get me to sleep with him.
He got married last year, and since then I have felt anything for any man. My friends are worried. They think I should let go and go into another relationship, which for now, I am not considering. This is because it would be difficult for me to believe any man again even if he is for real. I have read many stories in your column and see the way you advise people. I know you can also help me make sense of this issue.
Disappointed Lady.
Dear Disappointed Lady,
Life isn’t meant to always appear fair. But, trust me, at the end everything works out in our best interest. He got married to another woman because both of you were not destined to be an item forever. Don’t also forget that he asked you to marry him, but because you thought he had an ulterior motive for proposing marriage to you, you didn’t take him serious.
Honestly you share in the blame. It was wrong for you to be the prosecutor, judge and jury in a case you initiated. What gave you the impression that he was after your body? He didn’t have to go to the extent of asking for formal introduction to sleep with you. You forgot his family too would have been involved in the introduction ceremony and it wouldn’t, at that point, easy for him to terminate the relationship thereafter without giving them a reason for it.
That he appeared desperate didn’t make him unserious. He may have come to the point in his life when he wanted to have a woman by his side at all times and since he was in a relationship with you, you became his natural choice. That he went to marry the next girl he saw after you turned him down shows he was in a huge hurry to marry.
What you should have done was to discuss your fears with him, and not to allow him go away with the impression that you aren’t interested in him as a man or his offer to have you in his life. You left him with no choice when you turned down his request for introductions. Were you expecting him to wait forever? Knowing that you contributed to whatever decision he made would go a long way in helping you get over your seemingly sense of betrayal. Before he betrayed you, you were the first to betray him by not trusting him and his motive enough.
Since he is now married, it is time for you to count your losses and move on with your life. You won’t gain anything by refusing to move on. Life is about gains and losses. Your time of gain would come but this time, don’t make the mistake of assuming you have all the answers to an issue. Always ask question when in doubt while also asking for God’s wisdom at all times to make the right choice.
Good luck.
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