I’m 29, But No Serious Male Friend

Dear Agatha,

I am a regular reader of your columns. I want to first appreciate you for all the wonderful work you are doing.

My problem is enormous. I am 29 years of age without a boyfriend. It is so bad that nobody is even asking me out. I am sick and tired of the situation I have found myself in. Please tell me what to do.

Worried Lady.

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Dear Worried Lady,

The first step towards self- actualisation is to learn to accept those things you cannot change and to avoid courting depression. In your current state of mind, there is no way you can prevent mistakes from happening in your life.

The most important thing for you now is to accept one thing that 29 isn’t the end of the world and that time is still very much on your side.

Like everything in life, there is always a time of plenty and time of scarcity. So don’t get scared that men are not coming, when God’s time comes, the right men would come.

Just be patient and trust God because there is nothing He cannot do.

But beyond this, what are your own challenges as a woman? How would you describe yourself to another person? How do people and men around you judge you as a woman? What mistakes do you think you have made with men?

If there is any time for you to be honest with yourself, it is now. It is the only way you can help yourself out of this emotional abyss you have found yourself in.

A lot of the things we suffer from as we grow older, come from the mistakes we ignorantly make. What are your moral values as a woman; how well did you keep your gate? When a woman builds a negative reputation for herself, she opens herself for rejection by the very men she set out to please. Some of your problems may come from that indiscrimination.

Whatever your values were in the years gone by, this is the time for you to re-brand. It may take a while for whatever negative image you have acquired but if you are persistent as well as determined to make the change, you will be better for it.

But if you have always been level headed, there may be the need for you to also take another look at your principles? What sort of man are you looking for? Are your principles too rigid and unrealistic? What qualities are you insisting the men must have before you can consider them worthy of you?

If this is your problem, there is the need for you to be more realistic. Yes, as a woman, you need a man who will care for you, give you both heaven and earth if possible, but reality demands being sensible. By the time you turn away every man for the simple reason that they don’t meet the standards you have set for yourself, you will end up becoming very frustrated as the years go by.

Therefore in addition to setting achievable goals for yourself, don’t ever forget that God is the master of time and does what pleases Him with it. Go to Him in prayers to make your time His time too. Whatever mistakes may have brought about this problems or family situation, giving Him complete authority to reign in your life will help you overcome at the end of the day.

Just have faith and trust in God.

Good luck.