Dear Agatha,
Thank you for your wonderful work, God will bless you.
Please I want you to put me through, I want to know if I’m the one causing my delay in marriage or not. I notice that each time a man comes closer to me I will try by all means to be truthful to him most importantly about my age.
Thereafter, I would call often to know how he feels, ignoring whether he calls me or not. And on the occasions I have reasons to ask why he isn’t making the efforts to call me too, it is always the excuse of being too busy or having a problem.
And if I stop calling, the relationship dies. This has become a familiar pattern in all my relationships. One minute I am in good terms with the man and the next another woman takes my place in his life.
Most of the men who treated me this way end up marrying the woman who replaces me in their lives only for them to come back with regret at the choice they made and how they wished they had married me.
Please, Agatha, is my truthfulness the cause of all these problems or am I too hard on men. I have always prayed for God’s intervention in my life.
Worried Lady.
Dear Worried Lady,
There is a world of difference between being hard on men and telling the truth. In life there is no substitute to telling the truth and anyone who is afraid of the truth is not worth depending on. If telling a man your real age, being very opened with your feelings for them makes the wary of you, then none of these men is worth you, because a person who cannot tolerate the truth from someone cannot be trusted to appreciate the value of truth in his or her own dealings with people.
Therefore your telling them the truth cannot be the real problem with all your relationships, at least, one of them would have appreciated this quality in you.
It is the bit about being hard on them that you should look into. When you say you are hard, in what sense? It is one thing to be very demonstrative about your feelings for these men and another thing for you to accord them the required respect that goes with their gender. There is no man, either young or old, that would tolerate insolence or rudeness from the woman he is interested in marrying.
Between the times of falling in love, getting married and staying married a lot of issues come in between. It isn’t the falling in love that is the problem, but being able to sustain the initial feelings that brought a couple together.
In your case, you don’t have the problem of not having suitors, but that of sustaining their interests in you sufficiently enough to marry you.
When this type of problem become recurrent, it could mean one of two things, that you are either a bad manager of your life or has spiritual problems determined to maim your life.
The first place to begin is to ask yourself what you are doing wrong in your relationship to bring about all these disappointments. Can you detect any similarities in the excuses of these men as well as the quality of the relationship you are having with them? What seems to run through all these relationship? Is there a consensus of opinion from these men about you? If yes, what is the commonest, and do you think they are justified in their conclusions about your person?
This isn’t a question you jump into answering. It would be best you take a considerable time to answer it and the only way you can do yourself some justice is to try to look at yourself from the eyes of all these men you have dated one time or the other and your other relationships with others.
Also get your friends, trusted ones, who can look at you straight in the eyes and tell you what they think and feel about you. Ask family members, especially your parents and siblings to grade you.
Their appraisal of you would go a long way in helping you appreciate the views of all these men as well as aid you in making the right decision concerning reforming your lifestyle and character.
It would be of tremendous help if you refuse to be offended to benefit from their honest assessment of your person.
However, if all indices point to no abnormality in your behaviour, then look at your family history especially as it has to do with women and their relationships with men. How many women in your family before you or are currently having the same problem as you are having?
What average age did those who are currently married walked down the altar? Ask your mother she would come up with useful information that will point you at the right directions to go.
Whatever the nature of the problem, the best solution to life challenges is prayer. Learn to pray, depend on God for His wisdom and guidance. There is no situation God cannot change for the better, provided you have faith in His words and name.
It always pays to listen to His voice of reason and caution in everything we do.
Good luck.
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