Dear Agatha,
I read your articles and I must say you have been doing a wonderful job, more grease to your elbows. I am 26 years of age, dating a lady, 24. I love her so much, but I am having a little problem with her, making doubt her love for me. The issue is, she finds it difficult to create room for communication, especially when we are apart.
I have tried as much as I can to talk to her about it, but each time I do, she always tells me her battery is flat and she doesn’t have my number by hand. She promised to change when I once told her not to give me that excuse again. However, after that she travelled for three days without calling me. I tried to call her, but her phone was switched off, as if that was not enough, when she came back, she didn’t bother to call me.
When I went to her office and she saw me, she rushed to hug me, but I ignored her. I told her my reason for coming was primarily to find out if she is back since I was very worried about her. I left after telling her my reason for coming.
Agatha, the truth of the matter is that she was dating someone when I met her. Though she told me she wasn’t in love with the guy, but going by her attitude, I am confused about and don’t know what to think anymore. I really need your advice on what to do, because as it stands now, I have been rejecting her calls and even told her not to bother disturbing me again.
Smart.
Dear Smart,
The bit about her not calling you often is still something you can both manage and work at, because many of us are still battling ignorant about the potency of effective communication in a relationship.
However, she erred terribly by not telling you she has returned from her trip.
In all, it still doesn’t say much about her feelings for you, which is why you must approach this issue with caution and wisdom to avoid making a hurried decision.
Until the point you went to her office to find out if she is okay, she may not really appreciate why she must call you as often as you want her to do. But you attitude must have communicated something to her for her to be calling you as she is doing now. It shows that she cares and isn’t willing to lose you.
This is the time for you to make her comprehend your position on this matter. Accept her call and demand for a meeting. In most cases, this I have found out from very personal experience, people who are not in the habit of calling others don’t think anything is wrong if those special persons in their lives don’t call too. They just accept it as part of life because they are not used to calling others.
So getting worked up over the matter won’t change a thing except to make her understand the negative thoughts it is conjuring in your head about her sincerity to you.
Let her understand how you really feel and how you think she is dating another man as well as the possibility of using you as a fall back plan should anything go wrong in her other relationship.
Also demand to know how she would feel if you not only stop calling her, but decide to be very indifferent to her? Once you stop playing up the issue of her refusal to call and concentrate on all the other implications of her cold attitude, she would be forced to have a rethink. Let her know how you felt coming to her office and meeting her there while you were worried all the time about her safety. To drive home your point, ask her, how she would feel or think if you were the one that did that to her or not calling her.
Telling her in clear terms that you think her attitude has to do with someone else in her life has the ability to either make her sit up or collapse the relationship entirely.
Whatever happens, it is best you both have a discussion first.
Good luck.
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