Pastors Say She’s From ‘Strong’ Family

Dear Agatha,

I thank you for the way you answer questions relating to relationships. I pray, God will continue to bless you with wisdom.

I am currently in love with a lady, who is seeking admission to continue with her Higher National Diploma and I promise to marry her. The problem, however, is that the lady is from a ‘strong’ family. Three pastors have called me aside to warn me against marrying the lady. According to them, I must be ready to fight if I marry the lady.

I am confused and don't know what to do. I am planning on leaving her, but don't know how to do it without hurting her feelings. I also want us to continue as friends even when we go our different ways. Please, I need your advice on what to do. I am 31 while she is 29 years.

Worried Man.

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Dear Worried Man,

What do you mean she comes from a ‘strong’ family? Is it spiritual or a family of tough people, principled persons who don’t like to be cheated? As pastors, they should be in a position to tell you what to do or if she is the right woman for you or not. This is because we all come from families with one history or the other, a history which isn’t devoid of fetish practices sometime in the ancient past, family of strange traditions and cultures. Many of us, pastors and religious leaders inclusive, are still struggling with the spiritual consequences of some of these traditions our ancestors got us into.

One of the challenges of taking a job in God’s vineyard is to help confused souls through the part of darkness into light. Having discovered the major challenge confronting her as a person, the next step for them is to help free her from whatever powers that are holding her captive.

Therefore, ask them what the panacea is. Leaving her isn’t a solution as such because the next woman may have more complications than hers. Since you wish to remain her friend, the law of proper friendship demands we offer assistance to our friends in time of need. Nobody may have told her about this aspect of her life, hence could be ignorant of why things might not be working well for her. That God has used you through these pastors to expose what is hidden in her life, go the extra mile by telling her about your discovery as well as what she can do to set herself free.

Remember, God says His people who are called by his name perish due to ignorance. Fate has a way of bringing people who are in different needs together for the sake of solving the major challenges in their lives. You may not know what your own flaws are or what salient spiritual battle is confronting you too, but God knows and could have sent her too to help drag you out of it.

If at 31, you still don’t have a stable relationship or an inkling of the type of woman for you, then something isn’t really right somewhere. Your willingness to jettison the relationship shows you don’t have a clear image of what you want in life as well as the needed determination to give you the push to achieve your dream in life.

By now you ought to know, no good venture is devoid of painful challenges as well as the struggle to make it work. In life is a road, too smooth at the beginning then something isn’t really right with it. If the opposition to your happiness is the history of her past, confront it with all the love and determination required to get you closer to your happiness.

Besides, what do you understand by love? Love comes with huge responsibilities; it is a journey of sacrifices, investment and unconditional giving. Would you have left her had these revelations come after your wedding? How much does the girl mean to you?

In matters like this, it pays to do a double check with God. Go to Him in prayers and supplication by asking for direct revelation on what steps you should take. Once God speaks, go the way He has directed irrespective of whatever anybody says. It is always best to err on the side of caution than regrets later in life because it is journey of numerous twists, turns as well as puzzle. Marriage is an individual thing and always best if the two people involved in it also go to God in prayers.

Your final decision should be based on what God says on the matter because His are the only words you can hold to. And if the instruction is for you to quit, go for the truth option. There is no substitute to telling the truth. She will eventually thank you for being so honest even though it may hurt her at the beginning.

Good luck.