My Ex Put Our Secret Deal On Public Soapbox

Dear Agatha,

I was in a relationship with a man I loved so much until he travelled out. But before he left, something happened between us. My ex-boyfriend said things that scandalized my name which although were false but didn’t go down well with my boyfriend.

Officially, we are still dating but there is another man who has expressed interest in me and I think I like him.

Agatha, I am confused. Please tell me what to do.

Ability.

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Dear Ability,

Haven’t you learnt anything from what your former boyfriend said about you? Didn’t you take anything away from that unfortunate episode?

If nothing, it should teach you to be careful about the choices you make as well as the image you project of yourself at all times.

Common sense demands you properly end a relationship before embarking on another one. If you and your current boyfriend are still an item, the best thing is for you to inform him about your change of plan. Since you and this man aren’t married, you still have every right to change your mind, hence should be free to tell him instead of loitering around him while into something new with another man.

Not telling him would only confirm what the other man said about you and could in the long run create some problem for you and this new man of yours who may later too be told about your past.

There is still no substitute to honesty and for a woman that includes self-respect that comes from restraint.

As a young girl with some sort of credibility problem, be careful how you migrate from one man to the other. What makes you so sure you like this man, that he is different from all the other men before him and that you can remain faithful to this one?

Precisely what do you seek in a man? What reasons do you go into a relationship? Who is your ideal man? I ask these questions to help you focus on the more important things in a relationship; those things that will never perish that give frame and flesh to relationship.

Why did you leave your former boyfriend for your current boyfriend? And why do you want to leave him now for this new man? What has this new man to offer which the others before him lacked?

What makes him sufficiently different to make you want to leave this man who despite what your ex said about you still stood by you?

There is more to relationship than a boy meets a girl. It has to have character, strength, and ability to absorb injuries, shocks as well as lift up the couple involved.

While you have every right to do as you like with your emotions, be careful you don’t go into a relationship for the wrong reason. Think and apply the wisdom of God especially now that your current boyfriend is away. Use the opportunity to create by the absence of your boyfriend to ponder on what you want from a relationship and life.

This knowledge would go a long way into helping mould you as well as settle you into a new pattern of life.

Without you first taking this time out to clear your head of the many mistakes you are currently making, you will only end up making things worse for yourself.

In your shoes, I will think before leaping to avoid an unbroken fall. Go into this relationship only when convinced that you are doing the right thing. Even if you are having an issue with your current boyfriend, running away into the arms of another man isn’t the solution because overtime too, this relationship too would begin to show signs of tear and wear. Would you also run away into the arms of another man? If you are serious about growing a relationship, you will stay to work on whatever the problem may be since both of you are two different people trying to make something special happen between the two of you.

It takes a lot of sacrifices and perseverance to make something really good happen.

Good luck.