I’m Too Timid To Ask Her Out…

Dear Agatha,

I must say a very big thank you for the good job you are doing. God will continue to bless you for this good job of yours. Please keep it up.

My problem, there is this girl I like so much, but afraid to ask her out.

We actually started as chat mates on phone before we became good friends. I have visited her at her house and we are so close that I cannot sleep at night without saying or sending her a goodnight message. I have asked her and she said she does not have a relationship and I believe her. Yet I am still scared of asking her out for fear that she might turn me down for reasons I do not even now.

Agatha, I am too involved now and love this girl so much. Please help me.

Confused Lover.

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Dear Confused Lover,

Don’t be. It is the duty of the man to ask and the woman to either accept or decline. Being friends, you have an advantage others don’t have. At least, your friendship with her has armed you with some knowledge about her. If nothing, you must by now have inkling into her temperament, things she likes and what she doesn’t like.

For her to have told you she is without any relationship in her life means you won’t be stepping on any toe if you ask her out.

The good place to start is to ask why she has no boyfriend. Listen to her reasons before probing further into what she likes the most in her man. Give her all the chance to talk about herself and likes before telling her your own views about your ideal woman. End it by telling her she fits perfectly into the image of your ideal woman and that you would appreciate if she gives you the chance to be more than a friend to her.

Make her understand that nothing much would change because you enjoy so much being her friend. That the only thing that would change is your commitment to each other, which makes it forbidden to both of you to date other persons.

The fear of rejection would arise if you have other things in mind except friendship. Her rejection as well annoyance would come if she thinks you are trying to take advantage of her friendship with you to insult her integrity. Once she knows that your feeling for her isn’t out of disrespect, but something real and wonderful, even if she lacks the same sentiments for you, she will never cease to be your friend. Especially if she has the maturity to understand that such feelings are necessary attributes of life.

The danger of you not trying is to have someone snatch her right under your nose, while you look on. By that time you will only have your dreams to hold on to and the painful memories of regrets.

Which would be more painful, have her taken away from you due to fear of rejection or have her reject you, but with the satisfaction that you at least tried?

Fear is meant to be conquered, so go to her and tell her what you feel. The worst she can do is to say no, not condemn you to life imprisonment or death for doing what men are supposed to do.

Good luck.