Dear Agatha,
You have been a blessing to me over the years, by offering very candid advice to troubled hearts on relationships.
I recently felt moved to speak to a sister, who has been attending the same church as I. Indeed, I have known her from afar off for a fairly long time now. We have been going out for sometime now, and on one occasion she admitted to me having everything she has always hoped for in a man.
Although I have tried my best to make her accept me for who I am, remind her of that statement, she remained unimpressed until a couple in the church, who know me outside the church told her about me and where I worked.
Since then, I noticed that her attitude towards me changed dramatically. I am confused because I do not want to become husband to a woman who is marrying me for my status or material things. I would have preferred she didn’t know my place of work until she had considered me on the right and enduring values.
Zip.
Dear Zip,
Her knowing about your status has done no great harm. A lot now depends on your ability to extract from her disposition towards you, what is real and unreal about her.
Having detected traces of materialism in her, keep your eyes open for those characteristics, and that would properly highlight her person to you. Don’t rush things, take each day as it comes with her by, for now, playing down on your desire to marry her. Insist on doing things the right way by keeping to the creed friendship. Being friends would enable both of you gauge your strengths, determine your suitability for each other, point you at the things you have to play up in your relationship that will eventually help you make up your mind about her.
Also learn to be your natural self, don’t go out of your way to begin something you will not be able to continue in the name of trying to sustain a relationship. Anything you do for her must come from your mind and must never be an act of enticement, else you find yourself with the continuous problem of doing everything to satisfy her, even when it isn’t convenient for you.
Don’t make the mistake a lot of men do in their bid to keep a woman at all cost. When a man pretends to be what he isn’t or cannot afford to please a woman, he digs the grave of perpetual unhappiness. The woman will never understand the word lack or no sufficient funds for the simple reason that the man has always given her everything she requested for.
If you invest on the important things as well as ignoring sex between the two of you until your wedding night, you will be able to tell with some certainty if she is actually interested in your money or person.
Being a Christian, commit your affairs into the hands of God since He is the creator of relationships.
Good luck.
Posts
Dear Mr. Kip,
ReplyDeleteI empathise with you because, I too hold a very good job with large pay and I generally tend to conceal my workplace or income when I meet women. I have noticed how their eyes open wide and how they fall for a man so easily when they know he is financially comfortable. It is so disgusting and nauseating to see how they cheapen and make fools of themselves for money. I sincerely wish women would learn to first accept men for whom we are, before bothering about finances or material things.
Please do yourself, me and men folk a lot of favour by dropping that greedy gold digging woman with immediate alacrity. A woman, who refused to recognise you until she found out how much you earn a month, is not a woman for you or any man and shouldn’t be given any chance whatsoever. If she got together with you because of your income, then she will leave when that income is no longer available, that’s certain. Why does she deserve a chance in the first place? The most annoying and disappointing part is that her church going antics should depict her as a Christian, but she is not, because Jesus himself encourages us to accept each other irrespective of who we are. The Bible also says that God does not have favourites or discriminates, but this woman did and only accepted you when she found out you pack a large income.
Aunty Agatha is psychologically programmed to sympathise with the lady in question as a woman herself. It is a common saying among women, that “Who no like better thing?” In other words, “who wants to date a poor man?” Take advice from a man like you. One who is in the same shoes as you and has learnt from a lot of experience.
Yes, like Agatha said, in a desperate bid to keep or win her, don’t fall over yourself. I know you are attracted to her because she’s very beautiful and physically attractive. They are many other beautiful and wise women out there, who will be able to see, accept and appreciate you for whom you are, rather than for how much you earn a month. If you have anything romantic or emotional to do with the lady, cut or stop it immediately. She doesn’t deserve your time, affection, love or money. She only sees her dream man in you because of your money. Keep the relationship casual and simple, treat her like any other friend you have. It’s too late for the lady to redeem herself or be given a chance. Tell me, Mr. Kip, now that she sees you as “her dream man” since she got to know that you have money, how can you tell if her love is real? How can you tell if she’ll be there, even if situation something happens and you haven’t got money any more? Ask yourself these questions, before you fall for the greatest con men folk have fallen for since the creation of mankind. The truth is there is no way of telling if what she feels is real and if it will stand the test of time. So, there’s no need giving her a chance at all!
My brother, be wise because the worst mistake you will make in life is ending up with a woman you truly love but doesn’t love you. She’ll run and ruin you for life. You’ll be less than a man and a loser for life. It’s better to marry a woman who loves you more truly, she’ll adore and worship you for life and keep you home together and consequently make you the man you intend to be. Keep searching and don’t be under any pressure, you’ll definitely find the one you’re searching for. For the main time, like I said earlier, be wise and not play the fool for this woman else you will end up being just that for life.
If you want, we can talk on phone, just reply via this column if you want to communicate with me for Aunty Agatha to hook us up.