Dear Agatha,
The blessings of our Lord Jesus Christ will continue to give you wisdom, as you use it to touch the lives of the children of God.
I have this friend in Nigeria who, to the best of my knowledge, is currently unemployed and has a very pious nature. You can therefore imagine my surprise when he recently called to inform me of his decision to marry. Worried, I questioned him about his decision to marry at the age of 25 without a job and third level certificate.
Again, his answer threw up a deep worry inside of me. His reason for wanting to marry the girl, whom he doesn’t love, was because he deflowered her and is therefore feeling guilty.
According to him, he has asked this girl out, but found himself in this uncompromising situation when he went to her house and found her alone. He said he couldn’t explain what came over the girl, but before he knew what was happening, two of them were in bed. And that was how they both had sex for the first time.
Agatha, I know him to be a devout Christian, who had always nursed the ambition to be a catholic priest.
To be sincere to you, the same girl wanted to lure me into bed with her when I was about to travel to Europe last year in the same house because she lives with one of our best friends.
I am beginning to wonder if this girl is possessed by evil spirit. Now my friend is pushing for marriage with this girl without giving it any thought whatsoever. He doesn’t have a job and has only sat for aptitude test at University of Nigeria Nnsuka.
The parents are very poor though they have told him to go ahead with his decision. I have warned him that all those that promised him financial assistance may not be forthcoming when the going gets tough. Please I need your help because I wouldn't want him to enter into marriage without a job. Though I am not advising him to leave the girl since his conscience is disturbing him. But to stand first and discern whether the girl is for him really, as time goes on, the future will tell. By then he must have something doing that would help both of them if God wills their marriage.
Cone.
Dear Cone,
You have done your bit as a friend. From experiences, it is always difficult to convince someone who has made up his or her mind about a decision he or she is determined to execute.
And the matters of the heart are the most difficult to advise people on. Your friend is determined to go ahead with his decision to marry this girl because he has convinced himself as the right thing to do. Whatever you feel at this point in time doesn’t matter to him as long as he is able to achieve his desire to be with this lady.
Irrespective of what your fears are, he seems an honourable and determined young man. These are qualities that would see him succeeding in anything he applies his mind on.
At this, don’t try to dissuade him against marrying this lady, but that of encouraging him to further his studies. Also advise him to get something to do to enable him meet the challenges of caring for his wife.
You can also help him by telling him to discuss the obvious challenges associated with marrying without a visible income with his wife to be. So doing would help clear to an extent any idealistic scale the lady in particular may have. She may not be really possessed as you think, but responding to the potency of the hormones inside of her. For some women, mismanagement of the sexual hormones could cause misbehaviour, cause them to act in a way many would suspect them to be under some spiritual influences.
As a young girl, who hasn’t slept with a man before, and who is desirous of doing so, the sexual aches of her body make everyman insight the ideal one for her. You were able to escape, but your friend fell into this trap that is as old as time itself.
This is why you must be careful on how you intervene because it could work out for both of them, while you risk becoming the enemy of a dear friend for refusing her advances and also trying to destroy her happiness through your friend. When two people are determined to be together, the wise thing is for a third party to stay away. She isn’t unaware of the situation of her husband and can’t be so naïve as not to know that a jobless man cannot meet her financial expectations. Even a child knows the effect of staying with parents that are jobless, not to talk of someone her age. If sex were her motive for going ahead with the marriage, she would soon find out that marriage doesn’t survive on sex alone. It takes more than a man and woman sleeping together to do that. Let experience teach them the lesson of life, that way, nobody would accuse you of being the stumbling block to their happiness. You have done the best a friend can do on this matter. It is high time you stopped trying to make him see things your way, learn to commit them to the hands of God instead. He is the only one capable of doing all things and making seemingly impossible situations possible.
If there is anything you can offer him, please do, to help him begin something to enable him pay his bills as a married man as well as improve on his lot in life.
It is the least you can do for him in current situation he has found himself.
Good luck.
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