Dear Agatha,
My fiancé seems to be harsh on me these days and I am not happy. He is fond of insulting me in the presence of his family members and I’m fed up.
Furthermore, he has warned me never to question him on his movement or whereabouts.
Agatha, despite all these, I really love him so much. Is it possible for me to date somebody without knowing his movement?
Confused Lover.
Dear Confused Lover,
There is no way you can talk about being in love with him without concerning yourself with the issue of respect. It is a non-negotiable aspect of every relationship. When a man or woman throws respect for his or her partner out of the window, that relationship becomes doomed.
If he continues this way, it would come to a point where your love cannot no longer sustain the relationship, when you will never be happy again.
This is one issue you cannot afford to sweep under the carpet for the sake of love because what you fear today will eventually happen so why procrastinate a decision that is inevitable?
Don’t be afraid to confront him on the reason for his change of behaviour towards you, and to point out the damage of his actions to your relationship. It is imperative you both discuss it to enable you in particular understand his reasons. Many a time we unwittingly through our own careless handling of issues push our partners into acting in a particular way. In complaining at the end result of our actions we neglect to admit to our own mistakes.
Granted, his behaviour is currently despicable, in the interest of your growth and maturity at handling relationship related crisis, make the necessary effort at getting him to open up on precisely what he is finding objectionable about you and why he insists on treating you with such disdain especially in the presence of his family members. Gently, point out the danger of this line of attitude to both of you now and the relationship in future. Whether you leave him at the end of the day isn’t the concern here, but that of him knowing how to treat his relationship with every respect it deserves for the sake of his own happiness in future. When a man or woman mismanages his relationship in the presence of his friends or family, he or she unknowingly creates a greater problem of procuring respect for the relationship from close friends and family members later in life.
Therefore when issues like this come up in a relationship, it pays to be objective and to listen to each other. Even though his behaviour may be objectionable to you, hearing him out would give you an idea of what may have gone wrong with the relationship particularly, if he was a loving and respectful partner to this point.
By virtue of our imperfections as human beings, we daily do things to incur the wrath or displeasure of those close to us without knowing it. More often than not, it takes grace and God given wisdom for us to decipher our roles in the mess. This is the extra effort you must put into this relationship for the sake of posterity.
By the time you listen to him as well as reason out his position, you will be able to take a firm decision on what to do, either to keep the relationship going or end it completely.
The beauty of life is, knowing what to do at the right time. If all the indices argue against both of you staying together as an item, don’t apply undue sentiments at all. Have the boldness to end it completely to enable you move forward to other things.
The answer to the question of you having the right to know about his movement is wrapped in the other issues affecting your relationship. Once you two are able to fly successfully through all the other challenges, this one will automatically resolve itself but if you are not able to, it shows the relationship is doomed and that both of you should be honest and truthful to your feelings.
Good luck
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