Being Virgin Woman At 32 Sounds More Of Curse…

Dear Agatha,

I find your daily articles quite encouraging and helpful.

I’m 32 years old, a Nigerian woman based in the United States of America. I am blessed, well read and have a good job. I also come from strict Christian family. Even if I say so myself, I am responsible and a born again Christian.

I have never had a long-term relationship with a man. My friends and some families back home have recommended men for me on different occasions but none seems to have worked out. I tell you the truth, at my age, I am still a virgin.

I go to church every Sunday, belief strongly in God but I am worried that I am yet to be married or even have a relationship with any man for long.

I am more of a shy and humble person. I have read so many books on relationships, been to so many seminars for singles and sowed seeds for God to give me my own husband but nothing has happened yet.

Sometimes I begin to wonder, if there is a witchcraft curse or incantation placed on my family because my elder sisters are in the same problem as well.

We are all single ladies. My eldest sister is almost 50 and still a single. We find it hard to travel to Nigeria because it is quite shameful to us. It is not that I’m boasting, my sisters and I all are quite good looking as in terms of physical appearances, and can’t help wondering why we are in such a situation. I have seen well behaved single brothers in my church that have the fear of God in them, but I find it difficult to approach them for a relationship because I always want a man to make the first move in a relationship.

Please, I need your advise on what to do for me to get married. I know is not a one way thing but I just need advise from you and if possible, steps to take as a single lady.

Grace.

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Dear Grace,

The first major challenge here is for one of you to come back home to discuss your family history. If your elder sisters and the other sisters you have are all unmarried despite having the right looks, behaviour and financial independence, then something is very wrong somewhere with your family foundation. Things like this just don’t happen without a cause.

Without you finding out, whatever you do or steps you take in approaching a man will not yield the right fruit. Whatever it is that is preventing your father’s daughters from marrying will not allow the move to succeed until the powers it wields over you and your sisters are broken.

It is very important you understand the history of your problem. Is it limited to only your father’s children or has its origin in the older generation?

If limited to your father’s daughters, then ask your father what happened before he met or married your mother. Demand to know if he promised any other woman before your mother married him and what transpired between them when he made public his preference for your mother.

Chances are if the other woman was justified in her anger and your father guilty of duplicity, whatever words said in anger may have their consequences on you and your sisters.

Sometimes, the challenges we are made to face or carry in life are not produced by magical charms of our enemies, but brought about by our own thoughtless actions.

If your father or any of your male ancestors are guilty of causing a woman embarrassment, disappointment and emotional pains along the line, it follows that they too would watch their daughters suffer the same things in the hands of other men.

Telling you the truth would help you and your sisters know where to direct your prayers and what to do to remove this curse upon your heads.

Besides, this is one occasion you need spiritual help from your pastor and fellow Christian brothers and sisters. You need corporate prayers as well as deliverance to sail through this stage of your life. You also require fasting for God to reveal to you certain things that are hidden to help you know the extra mile you have to go for solutions. He says where two or more are gathered in His name, He would answer. The paradox of life is that the innocent is often called to carry the burden of the guilty.

Besides, your father may not even remember what he has done but asking him would help him know whom precisely he is to beg for the freedom of his daughters. A problem is more than half way solved if we are pointed at the right direction.

This is basic for you to move on. Granted there are some social drawbacks for you and your sisters, this is not an issue you should foot drag on because as women you have expiring date. Don’t allow pride or the fear of what people would say prevents you from taking the step of faith as well as reality.

People are always at liberty to say anything they like but it is the duty of the individual involved in an issue to seek the right solutions that would make the pain of the situation melts away.

Nobody would ever fight your battle for you if you fail to make the first move. A baby must cry for the mother to offer help hands.

Another issue you should look at is your attitude. Yes, you may be responsible but if arrogant about your successes in life, it would be difficult for any man to stay around you for long enough to appreciate the other qualities in you. Many a time, when we are successful, we become arrogant without even knowing it simply on account of those little things we fail to do. How do people around you, especially men access you? Are you approachable? Being reserved or shy sometimes come across as being snobbish or condescending. Success has many in between colours, some definite others non-descriptive. It is this middle hews of your character you should X-ray to enable you know if you are all that you say you are. If you are honest you will know what the issue really are.

And when that is done, there is no law, which says you cannot approach a man you like for friendship first before talking about a relationship. Our happiness is our own business not that of anybody so if you don’t at time create your own happiness, nobody would do it for you. Being friends with your dream man affords him the first hand opportunity to study you at close quarters and know who you really are.

Above all, learn to pray and listen to the voice and directions of God.

Good luck.