Dear Agatha,
I’m 25 years of age, very comfortable but my biggest problem is the lack of woman in my life. Never in my life have I dated a girl from morning till night. The girl a friend introduced to me, I don’t like. Besides, I don’t even know how to talk to her.
What do I do? Please help me.
AA.
Dear AA,
First you have to identify the problem you have with women. Can you recall anything that could have turned you against women generally?
Was there anytime or any incident in your past that could induced this feeling of discomfort against women in you? A lot of the time, our attitudes towards people are things that come from our childhood experiences.
What was the relationship between you and all the women around you when you were growing up? Were you very close to your mother or was she the type of mother that constantly disapproved of anything you did, the kind that nagged and insisted that women were bad news for you?
Do you have any sisters? How can you describe your relationship with them? Are you close to them or did you all grow up in your different worlds, a world forced on you by your disapproving parents who think giving sisters and brothers the freedom to interact could spell doom?
Chances are that if you and your sisters didn’t have that close relationship, it could affect your relationship with other women because in your subconscious, every woman reminds you of your sisters and brings to fore all that childhood buried memories.
If this is the case, you must make a determined effort to let go of those memories with the sole aim of being happy in your life.
Childhood memories have the tendency of making or unmaking one in life especially those who aren’t psychologically strong enough to confront their past.
Your problem could also come from the experiences you had with your female colleagues or even your friends who may have done one or two things to make your confidence shaky. An unkind statement from your time past could have logged into your subconscious, refusing happiness in your life.
It could also come from a nasty rejection by one woman you really admire and whose memories have refused to vacate your mind. You may not know it but without you meaning to or able to explain it, you keep seeing her in all the women around you and this could definitely make you wary of getting close to a woman.
Can you identify precisely what could be affecting your current relationship with women?
Look inside of you for the answer and if it has to do with the fear every well to do man has over getting the right woman who loves him for who he is and not for the money he has, playing down on your affluence could help a great deal. But it would help you to have a mental image of the issue to enable you know how to deal with them.
And if it’s a case of natural shyness, all you have to do is to take each moment as it comes. A good smile can change a lot of things and also carry its own powerful message.
Quality communication between couples comes from a happy, honest and understanding heart. Don’t be afraid to let the lady you are interested in a preview of your life; it would help you a great deal if she understands the challenges you are having with women generally.
It would enable her know how and where to help you adjust appropriately in terms of you being happy as well as comfortable in the company of women.
Importantly, you must learn to relax in the company of a woman. Don’t try to impress or pretend to be who you are not. Be your natural self because the woman you try to impress would certainly leave you when she discovers that you are not exactly what you claim to be.
By being yourself, you give your girlfriend and relationship the chance to be happy.
So when next you see a girl you like, don’t allow whatever it is that is keeping you prisoner get the best of you. Rather, give in to the natural urge to be happy by giving her your best smile. I guarantee you, it works more than any word can achieve at a first meeting. This is because a smile from the heart communicates friendship, an offer not many can resist.
Good luck.
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