Dear Agatha,
I’m 18 years of age. Men complain that I’m rude and arrogant when I converse with them. They say I make them feel bad. This has affected my relationship. What do I do?
Worried Girl.
Dear Worried Girl,
Being rude and arrogant will get you nowhere in life. These two features can destroy you forever as well as rob you of good opportunities in life.
It isn’t fashionable to be any of these because it shows someone lacking in proper social etiquette. People who are arrogant and rude are regarded as ones with complex problems hence camouflage their deficiencies by being rude and conceited.
Men consider women with these as being vain and totally lacking in proper home-training as well as cultural values.
No urbane society ever teaches it to be uncultured or unrefined.
When someone goes about dishing rudeness to anyone in sight, it presents the person as insensitive and incapable of being trusted with responsibilities.
For a woman, it simply tells the man to run as fast as his legs can carry him from such a woman because she cannot be controlled at home.
At 18, you have more than enough time to change. The first thing is to know why you think being rude and arrogant are the only options you have in life.
To help you understand better the bitter bile you infect people with your rudeness, try putting yourself at the receiving end of it. How do you feel when people dishonour you by their behaviour, treat you as unimportant and irrelevant with what they say and how they say it?
Rudeness is essentially about being insensitive to the values of others and arrogance is about being selfish. Even if you manage to find a man who can endure these behaviours a lot of people around him would pressurise him to let you be on account of your anti-social behaviour.
A woman doesn’t have to be rude to a man to reject his offer. There are very nice ways of saying no without hurting the feelings of each other. As a young lady approaching her prime, a lot of men would be attracted to you, some with good intentions, some with dubious intentions. Out of these, are those who would become your confidants, friends and cheer leaders! They are the ones who would make or mar your happiness in life because any word they say about you becomes official.
Losing their friendship and support to rudeness and arrogance would not only set you back but also rob you of the same wonderful opportunities to get to the next level. This is because some of the people you are meeting today would tomorrow be governors, senators, ministers, captains of industries, opinion moulders, presidency and other important positions in the administration of the country.
Going to them for help, would have been destroyed by your current rudeness and arrogance.
The damage you are doing to yourself is one capable of living long after. If there is anything people don’t forget easily, it is insults to their persons.
Learn to be nice to yourself first. Rudeness and arrogance come from your own unhappiness with who you are. A person who is happy, confident and self-believing is usually not given to rudeness or arrogance.
By giving yourself an opportunity to be happy, you will learn the virtues of civility.
Good luck.
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