Dear Agatha,
I am 25 years old and in a relationship with a man who is a year older than I am.
Apart from lacking the qualification, he has only Senior Secondary School Certificate. He is not set for marriage and I’m not getting younger. For now, I have so many suitors requesting for my hand in marriage all of whom I have rejected on account of this man.
The worrisome thing about all these is his attitude when he sees me with other men. He is actually a very jealous person. As a result of his jealousy, I need your help before it gets too late.
Confused Lover.
Dear Confused Lover,
Before you can both dream or conceive marriage, there must have been something on ground. He must have told you that he wants you enough for keeps and you must also see his preparedness towards achieving the goal.
In addition you must have also begun investing something towards helping him achieve your joint dreams. Marriage doesn’t happen simply because a couple desires it, rather it comes from working towards its actualisation.
From all indices, you desire marriage but not the hard investment that goes with it. This attitude spells trouble in that you risk getting into the hands of the wrong man on account of your hastiness to end up in a man’s house.
You don’t talk about marriage in a vacuum. Agreeing to a relationship doesn’t mean the same thing as agreeing to spend the rest of your lives together.
The man must be as ready as the woman for a marriage to take place. You cannot be talking about marriage to a man who has no job, barely able to feed and lacks a roof on his head.
What sort of marriage and home would such a man offers a woman?
You are definitely at the age when all sorts of men come for your hand in marriage. It isn’t out of place but a lot of what happens afterwards depends on your understanding of what the institution entails and expects of both parties.
Be careful you don’t end up with a man who is full of promises but very empty on delivery.
If you actually feel something for this man, your first worry won’t be leaving him for another man. You should challenge him into performance. Yes, he has little education but that doesn’t make him incapable of achieving something in his life. With the right kind of woman, he can achieve the impossible.
What project or line of business have you tried introducing him to? How have you helped drawn him nearer to his goals in life? In the first place, do you even know what his dreams for himself are let alone his dreams for both of you? Sincerely, if you knew what his dreams were, you won’t be in this state of confusion because you will have right in front of you the dream of achievements.
No matter whom you end up with, if the foundation is empty, devoid of dreams, plans and determinations on how to get to the dreams, you may never be happy. This is a choice we make along with the partner we decide to be with from the beginning of our lives.
The only way a woman can encourage any man especially one like yours, still trying hard to find his momentum in life is to show unconditional understanding. Even if you are so much in a hurry to leave him for another man, don’t make it appear as if you are leaving him on account of his lean wallet. To do that would destroy the little confidence he has in his ability for a very long time.
Before you decide to leave this man, ask him what he intends to do. If he can’t get a job, what business is he planning on doing and how he intends to fund it?
One question you must never fail to answer is your confidence in him. Do you have enough belief in this man that despite all the evidences before you, he has what it takes to make it in life?
Your answer is in your ability to confidently respond to this question. If you have enough confidence in him as a man, your age wouldn’t worry you as much as ensuring this man is happy with himself.
Good luck
I am 25 years old and in a relationship with a man who is a year older than I am.
Apart from lacking the qualification, he has only Senior Secondary School Certificate. He is not set for marriage and I’m not getting younger. For now, I have so many suitors requesting for my hand in marriage all of whom I have rejected on account of this man.
The worrisome thing about all these is his attitude when he sees me with other men. He is actually a very jealous person. As a result of his jealousy, I need your help before it gets too late.
Confused Lover.
Dear Confused Lover,Before you can both dream or conceive marriage, there must have been something on ground. He must have told you that he wants you enough for keeps and you must also see his preparedness towards achieving the goal.
In addition you must have also begun investing something towards helping him achieve your joint dreams. Marriage doesn’t happen simply because a couple desires it, rather it comes from working towards its actualisation.
From all indices, you desire marriage but not the hard investment that goes with it. This attitude spells trouble in that you risk getting into the hands of the wrong man on account of your hastiness to end up in a man’s house.
You don’t talk about marriage in a vacuum. Agreeing to a relationship doesn’t mean the same thing as agreeing to spend the rest of your lives together.
The man must be as ready as the woman for a marriage to take place. You cannot be talking about marriage to a man who has no job, barely able to feed and lacks a roof on his head.
What sort of marriage and home would such a man offers a woman?
You are definitely at the age when all sorts of men come for your hand in marriage. It isn’t out of place but a lot of what happens afterwards depends on your understanding of what the institution entails and expects of both parties.
Be careful you don’t end up with a man who is full of promises but very empty on delivery.
If you actually feel something for this man, your first worry won’t be leaving him for another man. You should challenge him into performance. Yes, he has little education but that doesn’t make him incapable of achieving something in his life. With the right kind of woman, he can achieve the impossible.
What project or line of business have you tried introducing him to? How have you helped drawn him nearer to his goals in life? In the first place, do you even know what his dreams for himself are let alone his dreams for both of you? Sincerely, if you knew what his dreams were, you won’t be in this state of confusion because you will have right in front of you the dream of achievements.
No matter whom you end up with, if the foundation is empty, devoid of dreams, plans and determinations on how to get to the dreams, you may never be happy. This is a choice we make along with the partner we decide to be with from the beginning of our lives.
The only way a woman can encourage any man especially one like yours, still trying hard to find his momentum in life is to show unconditional understanding. Even if you are so much in a hurry to leave him for another man, don’t make it appear as if you are leaving him on account of his lean wallet. To do that would destroy the little confidence he has in his ability for a very long time.
Before you decide to leave this man, ask him what he intends to do. If he can’t get a job, what business is he planning on doing and how he intends to fund it?
One question you must never fail to answer is your confidence in him. Do you have enough belief in this man that despite all the evidences before you, he has what it takes to make it in life?
Your answer is in your ability to confidently respond to this question. If you have enough confidence in him as a man, your age wouldn’t worry you as much as ensuring this man is happy with himself.
Good luck
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