Two Men Want Me For Marriage, Hard To Make Choice

Dear Agatha,

I am 24-year old lady dating a man of 29 years of age who promised to marry me. But I am keeping a secret affair with another man who also promised to marry me after his National Youth Service Corps (NYSC) year. He is aware of my first boyfriend but now insisting I date only him, and consequently introduced me to every member of his family.

He just gained admission into one of the polytechnics and we have been dating for three years. He is very humble.

Esther.

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Dear Esther,

From the tone of your letter, it seems the second guy is your favourite. The most honourable thing for you to do at this point is to tell the other man about your change of mind.

It is bad enough that you are cheating on him. It would be very cruel if you keep encouraging him while your mind is made up to follow another man. Even though he doesn’t know about your new man, you have done enough harm to him because while you are busy enjoying two worlds, having different plans with these two men, he on the other hand has put all his hopes on you. To him now, he has a woman he hopes to marry but who unknown to him has equally given her commitment to another man.

To have allowed this second man present you to his family shows you don’t feel anything very strong for your second man. So work up the courage to end your relationship with him so he can also have the freedom to pursue happiness with another woman. He may not understand why you are doing it now but he would eventually when he meets the woman who shows him the respect and love you obviously cannot give him.

Your continued relationship with him is pointless since you lack any qualms going on with the other man. It is apparent that your confusion is not over the other man but the unfavourable situation of your second boyfriend who just gained admission into tertiary institution.

You are worried about the number of years it would take him to be ready to take as wife. The cause of your anxiety has to do with the unpredictability of the future, of the fears of rejections by him as well as your inability to wait for him to be ready.

It would do you a world of good to think deeply because this relationship is laced with so many uncertainties. There is no guarantee that he would get job as soon as he finish school or that you would be able to withstand the emotional pressure of seeing all your friends getting married while you wait for your man to be ready.

These are fears you have to face squarely now. There is no way you can eat and still have your cake. Your choice comes with some bitter pills you must make up your mind to swallow if truly you love him.

The years you have to wait for him would define how deep your love for each other is but I can tell you this, it would take a lot of sacrifices on your part more than his to make it work.

Good luck